Picture this: your crush somehow finds your embarrassing Snapchat username from 7th grade, adds you, and sends you a picture of half of their face. You quickly open the captionless picture, just to snap them back a picture of you smiling. You say, “hey,” hoping that you will somehow spark up a conversation. Several hours later, they send you back a blank picture saying, “streaks,” and you respond with another blank screen, just for them to leave you on open.

The truth is that flirting is not the same as how it used to be for our parents. Gen Zs are not exactly jumping at the opportunity to introduce themselves in public anymore. As a mental health crisis garners greater traction, the culture of flirting has further digitized with the introduction of technology in daily life. Most of us can barely gather the strength to ask for an attractive person’s Snapchat username! In this age of digital domination, how are we supposed to find our perfect matches?

Someone from my class recently told me that they have been flirting with a guy for several months now. The two of them talk on Snapchat constantly, but the only interactions that they have are virtual. The guy never even tries to make conversation in person. Even though they try, my classmate is frustrated when it never actually goes anywhere.

To make things worse, there is often an expectation that social media flirting is only for sending and receiving nude photos. To get an outside perspective for the girls and the gays (and other identities interested), I decided to interview two heterosexual, cisgender men at Emerson College. When asking boy number one what he thought Snapchat was for in terms of flirting, he explained, “If I give you my Snapchat, I really don't care to get to know you that much. It's just kind of like, you know, that's like for hookups.” As you would expect, I was sad to hear this; because of this, I pushed them to find out where they flirt romantically. Boy number one explained, “I'll probably like, give you my number, and then we'll go out and I'll talk to you in person.” Boy number two went on to say, “...if it develops into something bigger, I'm going to give them my phone number.” From the cishet, male perspective, it seems as though there is some sort of unspoken but known progression: a hot stranger starts on Snapchat, then moves to texting, then to a date. If you are looking for a male-identifying partner, knowing this progression may be vital.

In the end, there is nothing better than flirting in person, but if you are going to resort to social media, what can you do? It is difficult to find the balance between shyness and a cocky, online persona. When I find my healthy in-between, I try to wait a few minutes before responding to a suitor’s picture. Afterward, I try to send a picture of myself from an upward angle in good lighting. Try to let yourself start a conversation and think of what the other person would like, but keep your own opinions intact. If they do not respond quickly enough or do not try to keep the conversation going, they are not worth your time.

To Snap or Not to Snap