It is Halloween, and I am six years old. Mrs. Dufault turns the lights out and starts the projector. I sit ensconced in darkness as she opens YouTube and pulls up a song about the human body. A fleet of animated skeletons begins dancing on the screen. Dem bones, dem bones, dem dancing bones doin’ the skeleton dance…
Read MoreI started journaling as soon as I developed both the fine motor skills to hold a crayon as a toddler and the ability to shakily write my ABCs just before kindergarten. I’m self-reflective and analytical to a fault, but after 15 years of putting my thoughts to paper, I somehow still don’t have journaling—something that’s (allegedly) an incredible and meditative tool—figured out…
Read MoreFor as long as I can remember, I lived with a soundtrack in my ears. My headphones were glued to my eardrums from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep, blocking out unwanted thoughts and spiraling obsessions I wasn’t ready to face. At the heart of my need for constant noise lied…
Read MoreI was 16 and fresh meat when I got my first job at a burger joint. As inexperienced as I was, I didn’t think twice when it came to ignoring my mom’s advice: Always say “You’re welcome” and never “No problem…”
Read More“Things” have a history that is swept under the rug because of their supposed commonality. Priceless art and linguistic masterpieces are praised for their originality, being held in museums and erected across the homes of the richest people on the planet. Shielded by glass cases and velvet ropes, they spend their time being viewed, not used…
Read MoreI went to the alien sex cult meeting on a Sunday, but opted to wear the Monday pair from my days of the week underwear to act as a good luck charm and guarantee I’d make it to the next day…
Read More“Do you dream in color?” My occupational therapist, Brad, once asked. “Of course,” I said, “Doesn’t everyone?”…
Read MoreI’m the prime candidate for breast reduction surgery: back issues, self-diagnosed body dysmorphia, and a pair of tits that bust out of every age-appropriate top. From the day they started growing I planned to get them cut off, but I knew it had to be after I started birth control, just in case the hormones took my Gs to Es. I didn’t want just any birth control, I wanted the PERFECT birth control…
Read MoreI met Jack Kerouac and Dean Moriarty last summer. It was my third week of being a bank teller in Waukesha, Wisconsin. First Federal Bank of Wisconsin was my mighty employer and I their ever-faithful employee…
Read MoreI hope this letter finds you well. I know I’m not supposed to respond to your “reply all” rejection emails, but your tip-toed letter meant a lot to me. You’re my first rejection—a literary deflowering of sorts. If you must know, you’re my first…
Read MoreThe butterfly-shaped organ in my neck has got it all wrong. That’s what the doctor told me—that my butterfly flew in the wrong direction, did a few too many spins, and got stuck in a high up bough. In theory, I like my butterfly for her rebellion. In practice, I feel differently…
Read MoreI’ve often been surprised by how people react when they discover I’m an only child. There’s usually an initial shock, the revelation that I’m more visibly well-adjusted than the stereotypical one. Then, a frown forms as they discern my childhood must have been rather lonely. Where I was lacking in friends, or brothers, I made up for with superheroes…
Read MoreMy father is a narcissist. That’s the simplest way to put it, though it took me years to reach that conclusion—a conclusion the rest of my family still struggles to accept…
Read MoreIn the least deranged way possible, I’m a people watcher—have been since I was a child. I enjoy looking through townhouse windows and listening to dinner conversations. I’m by no means doing it to be creepy, in my mind, it’s an anthropological study into the lives of people around me. An innate trait I use to connect to and understand the world…
Read MoreAccording to my silver 2010 Acura, I’ve starred in 32 one-woman shows. I’ve won a Tony Award for “Best Performance of Maureen Johnson at a Dunkin’ Drive-Thru.” To its knowledge, I’m a famous Broadway star, selling out shows every night…
Read MoreWhile studying abroad, there were moments when I couldn’t appreciate what was happening around me. I’d ask, “Why me?” At first, the question wasn’t loud, barely audible inside my own mind, and I was happy. So it would be best if I were to just shove that question into the darkest closet of my mind…
Read MoreI’ve seen these trees grow and change, adjusting to the world around them. Their roots bubble up, seeping through the cracks of the concrete which once laid flat. I watch as a group of four-year-olds pour out of the preschool building's doors. Suddenly, my eyes blur and I escape into a memory of when I was small and mighty too.
Read MoreOn the brink of the 2008 election, I had to be told the leader of your country was a man. I was extremely confused, because according to the shelves of Target, Barbie was the president-elect. This had to mean the actual leader must be female right…
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