Millennials and Gen Z have experienced an interesting phenomenon surrounding relationship building as young adults. The linear pattern of dating, marriage, kids, and growing old together has become less crucial and more of a hassle due to personal preferences. We don’t view commitment in the same light as our parents once did—let alone dating, “things,” situationships, or hookups. We seek the love of another but are often afraid of what responsibilities forever partners might come with. While finding it difficult to navigate our tumultuous love lives, our parents seem to have no problem commenting on who we should be with and why they are suitable for us.

Our parents don’t understand the generational relationship culture we’ve cultivated as a result of their preconceived notions of what love should look like. Boomers and Gen X have instilled this traditional wedlock mentality into their children’s minds because of the normative love lifestyle they’ve practiced for centuries. They’ve become over-involved and hyper-fixated on our relationships as an act of love. But the young adults of today are largely unearthing the world on our own terms—whether that be through sexuality, love interests, or self-care. Parental normativity, invasiveness, and speculation have become a new pressure the youngest generations are facing.

Studies show that marriage has hit an all-time low over the past decade. According to the National Center for Health Statistics, the U.S. encountered a steady decline in matrimony. Approximately 6 out of every 1,000 individuals decided to marry in 2018, causing a discernible change in these charts and love climate. Various studies conclude that Millenials and Gen Z do not necessarily value close intimacy; instead, they opt for unlabeled fun, sexual, and casual relationships. Many have “lost faith” in marriage and do not believe the bond is required to enjoy life with someone else. Our generational relationship culture has become more about choices and less about rules or guidelines—leading to parental jealousy.

It seems parents always want us to be in some sort of relationship, regardless of if we actually see a future with this person or not. After feeling the need to confess the issues in a heterosexual relationship with her ex, 19-year-old Sierra Abrams recounts a conversation with her mother about dating. Abrams’ mother noted she had become “intolerant” to the societal norms that encompass male behavior, and that this is something she would have to deal with come the time to get married. Amid talking about Abrams’ new situationship, her mother promptly questioned why she wasn’t dating this new boy already. Our parents seem to have become unaccepting of our modern dating ways, lending itself to the traditional marriage mold instilled upon us from the very beginning.

Boomers and Gen X have allowed themselves to become interdependent with their children’s love life, causing new stresses to form monogamous, loyal relationships throughout their existence. However, we are not obligated to fit inside the unrealistic love construct that our parents expect us to fulfill. Millennials and Gen Z recognize that our parents want their kin to provide grandchildren and have a good life—but we are pushing back against the standard by creating the versions of love that make us happy. In redefining our generational relationship culture, we rewrite the history of love as a proposition rather than an oppressive contract.

Parental Normativity: Jealousy or Just Tradition?