Help! Is He Staring at Me or Just Lost in Thought?

Help! Is He Staring at Me or Just Lost in Thought?

written by sophia horowitz

photographed by Maeve hanley

Have you ever been in class and the guy you find cute is staring at you again? You immediately dart your eyes to your email inbox to avoid it? Well, I have. 

In classroom settings, the experience of receiving an intense gaze can evoke a whirlwind of emotions. This uncertainty may lead people down a path of exploration—seeking social media accounts or piecing together a fuller picture from class rosters. This digital sleuthing reflects a modern tendency to seek validation through online profiles, but it can also deepen the cycle of overanalysis, especially among women who feel the weight of societal expectations regarding their appearance.

We navigate digital landscapes that promise interconnectedness, yet often retreat from authentic interactions when opportunities arise to reveal our true selves. The common saying, “The eyes are the window to the soul,” speaks to the profound ability of eye contact to communicate unspoken truths. A glance from a close friend can convey distress in an instant. With one gaze from your dog, you know what they hunger for. However, in contemporary crush culture, where visual appraisal often supersedes genuine connection, this intuition can become clouded by insecurity. Is my forehead too big? Does my wavy hair look messy? 

I identify as a retired wallflower who often found herself on the sidelines of love, but has watched When Harry Met Sally more times than I can count. While I occasionally yearned for inclusion, my need for deep conversations and understanding from others set clear limits. I valued people who looked beyond my appearance and recognized my many facets. As a woman, I value everything I bring to the table, and I encourage others to uphold this principle as well.

Each individual represents a unique blend of love passed down through generations, and it is essential to recognize that love is embedded in our very DNA. Everyone deserves to experience the healthy qualities they seek in future relationships.

For those who, like me, navigated high school with little romantic attention and are now exploring these dynamics in college, I offer some actionable insights. These strategies helped me transition from feeling constrained on the sidelines to actively engaging in the game of love. I hope they can help others avoid a few of the mistakes I once made on the road to my current relationship.

Tip 1: Stop Molding Yourself

Repeat after me, ladies: “The right person will like YOU—the true you.” I know, cliche. This includes the one who orders enough takeout to warrant triple the amount of chopsticks, and who has more Tumblr threads memorized than your social security number. Be YOU loudly so that all these new, lovely people can meet the real you.

Tip 2: Start With What You Want

Know what you want and what makes you feel confident. Write down your non-negotiables, because this relationship is for you. You need certain qualities to feel strong and comfortable.  

*Pro tip: Include “makes you laugh.” After a year and a half in a relationship, I'm so grateful to have someone who keeps me laughing!*

Tip 3: Be Bold and Go on Dates  

Going on first dates boosted my confidence in talking to guys, and helped me embrace my needs without shame. Plus, getting ready with friends was a fantastic perk to singleness! Remember, you owe them nothing; you can leave without a hug or a kiss. I've declined kisses and waited months to kiss people because I wasn't ready. If a guy has a problem with that, goodbye! 
Apps can help you get dates if you have the right intentions. Other options include being bold and striking up conversations with guys in class, clubs, or at work. Build a friendship first, then ask for coffee. We want a partner who looks good, but also makes us think positively when they speak.

Tip 4: Trust Their Actions

The right person will pursue you wholeheartedly. If their actions confuse you, it’s time to move on. Your time is incredibly precious; don't waste it on someone who sends hieroglyphic messages at 3 a.m., then won't talk to you in person. Remember, you are already whole. Instead of seeking someone to complete you, redirect that time and energy into loving yourself.

Tip 5: Get Good at Communicating Your Feelings

Taking the first steps into dating is daunting. Remember to check in with yourself, adjust your pace, and communicate your feelings as the relationship progresses. Don’t worry; I’ll help you with that later!

Trust yourself, step forward, and let love surprise you!