Have you ever made a dangerous sexual decision that you instantly regretted? I know I have. A while back, I let a creature guide my fingers onto the godforsaken app, Grindr. Horrified but hellbent on seeking approval, I let the monster push my legs one by one into an Uber and message a nameless person until I was on the other side of Boston. Luckily, I came to my senses and called my friends in a panic right before arriving. While I survived, not all are lucky enough to escape the clutches of the sex demon on their shoulder.

Before you ask, yes, I’ve learned my lesson, and yes, I’ve finally deleted Grindr. In hindsight, my choices were insane. It’s not only unsafe to message someone without any credentials, but it’s dangerous to do so without giving any of your friends your location. While most men on Grindr use Pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP)—medication used to prevent HIV—it was found that users were at a higher risk of testing positive for chlamydia or gonorrhea (8.6% of Grindr users vs 4.7% of non-Grindr users, according to the PMC archive of the U.S. National Institutes of Health's National Library of Medicine). Clearly, I took a risk I should not have taken.

Whether surfing the internet or in-person, why do we make these decisions? Why do we let the sex demon take control? A 2015 study from the Handbook of Clinical Neurology suggested that sexual arousal interacts with the cognitive, emotional, motivational, and autonomic systems of the brain. Each part may have been involved in my decision-making, but loneliness may have been an even larger factor. A few seconds without attention, and I felt as though I did not exist—and others can relate. An anonymous student says, “I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I simply wanted to be seen. Coming to college after a breakup was difficult. It seemed as though the only remedy was to indulge in hookup culture.” Another student argues that they feel pressure from the people around them. They note, “...being surrounded by people who are heavily involved in hookup culture can be pressuring, even though they might not mean it…I know my peers may not realize it, but I’m very naive when it comes to this stuff.”

Unfortunately, the world is not safe enough for gallivanting through the streets of Boston at 3 a.m. Instead, we should develop a plan. Dating can be fun as long as you know a person’s actual name, you start out in a public setting, and you keep your location on for friends or family to see. If you choose to listen to the sex demon, decide whether or not you are emotionally ready for a hookup, or if you feel safe enough for protected or unprotected sex. In one student’s words, “Sometimes, moments take hold of you and refuse to let go. It’s not until one irresponsible decision scares you enough to realize you have to get a hold of yourself.”

The Sex Demon on Your Shoulder