After a toxic relationship kept pulling me back in, I found myself screaming for a clean cut. I thought I was doing what I had to do—not be single. I wasn’t listening to the cries for change that were building up inside me. I realized that in most aspects of my life, I was not putting myself first and decided it had gone on far too long. I blocked that person, deleted the dating apps from my phone, and cried.

The first time I took myself on a date, I left after 20 minutes. Twenty minutes sitting in a cafe trying to read a book, while attempting to get in tune with who I was. It did not go very well. I wasn’t sure how to be content with the person I was because I had lost sight of her in my previous relationships. After more time spent alone, I began to find myself again, but this wasn’t a one-time deal.

There is this imminent pressure to always be looking for a partner. This pressure or a text from your ex might be the exact push to get you back into the dating world before you’re ready. Allowing yourself to take up space and be single, instead of jumping back into dating, can be just the thing to prepare you for the dating world.

Delete that tempting dating app, and stop talking to your unhealthy ex. Listen to and be truly happy for your friends who are ready to take that leap, but listen extra carefully to yourself and your needs. Some days, you might need to lay in bed, blasting the new Adele album, while some days, you might daydream about traveling the world by yourself after graduation.

You’ll spend less time on your phone and less time focused on others. Rediscovering yourself is the biggest benefit from taking a break. You’ll redetermine your values and prepare yourself for the rest of your life, rather than just another relationship. Cassandra Maxim ‘22 speaks about her own experience and says, “I think that I've grown so much, especially in college, which wouldn’t be possible if I was in a relationship.”

You’ll begin to take care of yourself rather than someone else and start to fall in love with your life. Maxim continues to say that “knowing yourself is one of the most fulfilling and best gifts you can give yourself.” The little things you took for granted are now at the forefront, and you notice the neglect you might have been allowing to happen in your life.

Whether you decide to take yourself to the movies or buy yourself that thing you’ve always wanted, you realize just how much you missed by not showing yourself love. You’ll create habits of putting yourself first, and your future relationships will benefit. The idea of loving yourself is not a one-time thing, so even when you get in a relationship, you’ll find yourself in two: one with your partner, and one with yourself.

Dating Yourself