I was particular growing up. My haircut was just a trim, my nails one of four colors, my makeup was natural nudes, and my outfits were trendy and not eccentric. After being in lockdown for so long, I realized how important expression is for me.

Being home, I felt the eyes of suburbia. Without the creative environment of Boston, I felt stuck inside myself. During quarantine, I decided to make my art into a business. It was a leap of faith, but it enabled me to explore the role between creativity and expression. My art, like my appearance, sought to be relatable, minimal, and instagrammable. It wasn’t what my art was typically like, but I was concerned about people liking it.

I was enamored by my art and I felt pretty bored of myself too. I started experimenting with clothing pairings, nail art, and drastic hairstyles. I questioned why I was holding back in the first place.

One day I was creating editorial makeup for a shoot and thought, “This would look amazing with bleached eyebrows.” In a matter of days, mine were bleached and I didn’t recognize myself.

When I asked my sisters to help me bleach them, one asked if I was having a mental breakdown and the other she said I was going to look like a freak. As they wiped the bleach off of my eyebrows, they shared their disbelief. My hair is brown and starkly contrasted with my fair skin and eyes. It was quite obvious. I was feeling out of my skin and uncomfortable, but I didn’t completely hate it.

I began playing with my brows by matching them to my outfits or how I was feeling, like accessories. As far from my typical look as I was, I felt deeply in touch with myself. My sisters never warmed up to my eyebrows, but my mom did! She loved the Harley Quinn brow look. Since the brow bleaching, I play around with my look a lot more. I'm loving feathered brows and brow lamination.

It humbled me to feel a bit uncomfortable in my skin. Being bold and out of character felt empowering. My newfound confidence surfaced when I stopped being restricted by what other people find attractive. I saw my appearance as something new, a vehicle for expression rather than another way to blend in. What I ended up loving most about my brows was the fleeting nature of it. My eyebrows became so dynamic, I could do whatever I wanted with them and when it was over it I could change them again. I'd have one pink and one blue eyebrow on one day, and the next they were blonde.

Now that I dyed them back, I feel confident and fearless. I am not afraid of changing my appearance because appearance only matters if it reflects who you are. The experience of coming out of my skin made me more comfortable when I was back in it. It helped me learn to show who I am to the world unapologetically.

I Bleached My Eyebrows