What’s your number? How was your first time? Who’s the best you ever done it with?

For an average sexually-experienced college student, these questions are easy to answer. For me, not so much. I have never had sex or been in a serious relationship, but I never saw it as a problem until college.

The average guy has sex for the first time at 16.9 years old and a girl at 17.4 years old. By this standard, I was behind. I felt like the oddball out. Whenever sex was brought up in discussions, I couldn’t relate, friends pointing out that I “wouldn’t know.”

By the time my older sister was in her first year of college, she had been in a relationship for almost three years. My mom got married at 23 years old and had my sister a year later. My grandma got married when she was 19 years old. Even in my own family, I wasn’t the norm. I felt out of place.

In college, sex is the norm, which places a lot of pressure on students to be sexually experienced. Dating apps and television shows help play up the idea of one night stands and hookup culture, asserting it as the supposed norm. The daily sexcapades of teenagers on “Riverdale” and messy hookups on “Good Trouble” overexaggerate the amount of sex teenagers are having on the other side of the small screen. Messages such as “Can I sit on your face?” and “DTF?” litter the inboxes of dating apps, leaving many to use them as a “what if” game, rather than an actual romantic option. Though many students are exploring their sexualities, not everyone is in a personal position to take the step toward sexual intimacy with partners.

I created a Tinder account last semester late at night with my roommate. Everyone on campus seemed to have one. But as time went on, it became more annoying than fun. It got tedious how often I had to explain that I was looking for a relationship. Most people weren’t on the same page. Recently, one of my matches followed up by saying “Yeahh I wouldn’t say I’m trynna date haha, but I mean you do got pretty big boobs soo.” It’s definitely not a great track record.

I went on one date with someone I met on Tinder last year. He went to Wentworth and told me he did not smoke or drink. He understood my boundaries. When he came to my dorm room for our date, we talked for hours. The most he tried to do was hug me when saying “goodbye.”

He said, “it was really nice meeting you,” suggesting we should hang out again. I told him I would text him and he left. We continued talking for a few days before he stopped responding. It came out of nowhere.

I have yet to find someone I would want to have sex with. I want to save sex with someone I trust and have an intimate relationship with. I am open to having sex in college, but I am in no rush. Why does that matter to so many people?

Sophomore WLP major, Chloe Aldrich has also had similar experiences in college. “I think people want to gain experience, but with someone they actually care about and don’t want to settle for just anyone,” she said, adding that “Most people I know seem to be tired of societal pressures to gain experience as soon as possible.”

Many college students feel the need to justify why they haven’t had sex, but there is no single answer. Everyone's sexual journey is unique. Sex has become important in society, but it does not have to be the core of your college experience.

When 700 college students were surveyed by New York Magazine, 74 percent of college first and second-year students believed they were having less sex than their friends. 64 percent of third and fourth-year students said the same. The study also revealed that 41 percent of college women and 49 percent of college men were not sexually active. 39 percent said they had never had sex.

Not having sex doesn’t take away from my college experience. I still have friends, go on dates, and party the same as my peers. I’ve never had sex and I am not ashamed of it.

Sexual Experience In College