Finding Love Offline
Photography by Junho Kim
Long gone are the days of meeting your future partner at a bar, gym, or party. As a member of Generation Z, it’s safe to say we have a baseline fear of commitment. We grew up in an age where boredom could be instantly fixed by unlocking our smartphones. From personal experience, I know many Gen Zers seem to think dating only happens online, welcoming apps like Tinder and Bumble with open arms.
Dr. Lindsey Beck, a social psychologist who teaches at Emerson College, says apps can allow people to meet potential partners, but also put people in a “consumerist assessment mindset.”
“[Consumers] are evaluating potential partners not as potential partners, but rather as commodities or products,” says Beck. “With this comes a two-dimensional view of people, rather than a holistic perspective that we may get through face-to-face interaction.”
Researchers have found that apps work best if people use them to initiate conversation before an in-person meeting.
Journalism major Melissa Rosales ‘20 dabbled in Tinder and Bumble for roughly two years before meeting her current boyfriend at her job at Legal Seafoods.
Rosales says most of the guys she met on Tinder had “just looking for fun” in their bios. After initiating conversation, she was constantly reminded they just wanted to have sex.
And Rosales isn’t alone in this affliction. After about a year of swiping left, journalism major Sarah Smith* ‘22, a sophomore journalism major, finally swiped right: matching with her current boyfriend of two months.
Even though dating apps are becoming less stigmatized, Smith still hasn’t built up the courage to tell her parents she met her boyfriend online. She didn’t even go on the app with the intention of starting a new relationship, despite the fact she’s had two boyfriends so far from Tinder. She mainly used it to pass time with her friends.
“As long as you’re smart about meeting people, I don’t think there is any harm in putting yourself out there,” Smith says.
The way relationships are formed has changed and will continue to change as time goes on, according to Beck. “The changes that occur will, in part, be driven by culture, surroundings, communication, and norms or standards relating to romance,” she explains.
Social media has the power to aid communication, especially in long-distance relationships. However, Beck explains that it can also create jealousy, since we may be exposed to our romantic partner’s previous and current partners.
“There is this added pressure of knowing that they are also seeing other people and they know I am seeing other people,” Rosales says. “So it makes me wonder how I can stand out from the rest of the girls they are seeing.”
Though dating apps are now a common way to meet people, many still prefer to meet romantic partners in real life for the first time.
Journalism major Abby Wu ‘22 met her partner on a family trip to Thailand two summers ago. They felt an instant connection and decided to start a relationship despite the distance. They relied on daily phone calls and Facetime sessions until he moved to Boston from Thailand.
Wu is not a fan of the online dating trend, preferring to meet someone organically because she doesn’t like the idea of attraction based on looks.
“People have gotten so used to using technology to communicate and show love,” Wu says. “I think men still need to open doors for women or send flowers because seeing and doing things with each other in real life is more intimate.”
Smith feels dating apps alter the dating game, but disagrees that they kill romance. Hookup culture, especially in college, has always been prevalent. Dating apps just make it more accessible.
If you are struggling to ask your crush out on a date in real life, here are some tips:
First flirt! If flirting is not your strong suit, don’t worry! Just make sure they realize you may be interested in them before asking them out.
Find a good place and time to make your move. Do your best to avoid asking your crush out over text because it can be too impersonal. Being casual is the best way to go.
Be confident.
Avoid having a friend with you. It is best to ask someone out in private to avoid unnecessary tension and awkwardness.
It’s time for Gen Zers to delete Tinder and start connecting face-to-face, gaining confidence and a new perspective on romance along the way. It’s okay if not every date works out, at least you put yourself out there and gave dating in real life a try.
*Names have been changed to protect the interviewees’ confidentiality.