Of course I thought it was a beautiful idea to work on a creative business venture with my boyfriend (who is now my ex). As the saying goes, you will never work a day in your life when you do something you love, and in this case, with someone you love. While I had never experienced this, I went into it as if I were a pro. I soon realized I knew nothing. 

I’ve always wanted to be with someone who never shuts up about their passions until it starts to drive me crazy. Usually, I find these people in the entertainment industry, which is luckily the field I’m striving to work in. Both of my previous relationships were with people who were so invested in their careers that I was surprised to be let into their lives. As a passionate person myself, I longed to work with these talented individuals. I constantly asked my first boyfriend to collaborate with me on a creative endeavor, but he never wanted to. He didn’t want to feel like being with me was work time. While it was sweet, I didn’t comprehend it at the time. Now I understand exactly what he meant.

At the start of my next relationship, I was working as a producer for a stand-up show my boyfriend co-created and co-hosted. The arrangement fell into my lap too quickly for me to think about it. We were working together, and there was an attraction that was hard to deny. Our romantic relationship was real, and the stand-up show was something fun we were both lucky enough to make happen together. As a couple, we felt unstoppable, and this feeling reflected in our work. I was oblivious to the fact that this feeling could change, but it quickly did.

I soon realized our honeymoon phase was coming to a close, and the stand-up show was taking precedence over our relationship. The love felt like it had to be scheduled, and I began to feel forgotten. I watched our relationship become a part of his business life. In the summer of 2019, we both had internships in Los Angeles. While we were there, we decided to host our stand-up show with one of the guys we worked with.

It seemed like everywhere we went, everything we did was for the show. Even times that were supposed to be “dates” became us going to see stand-up shows to get ideas. When we were home, we watched sets of those whose shows we couldn’t make it to. I was annoyed every day. In the times that weren't related to business, it was clear his mind was elsewhere. I was anxiously begging for him to be in the moment with me, which is pretty ironic, since I definitely wasn’t in the moment, either. I was desperately waiting for our passion to reappear out of thin air. This became a theme in our relationship: the way he fell more in love with the show, and I fell out of love with him.

At the time, I didn’t want to come to terms with the problem; I just knew I was sad. I managed not to see what was in front of me because in the back of my mind, I knew it would hurt too much to face it. I couldn’t bring myself to admit, or even realize, that it was because of the new reality of our relationship. It didn’t help that he didn’t seem to notice. He worshiped his work, which I admire, but suddenly it was hard for me to be proud of the show because it felt like it was his other girlfriend. This seemed like a ridiculous notion, so I attempted to tuck the feelings away. I didn’t want him to think I wasn’t proud of the strides we made. The times not revolving around a business venture were so precious and freeing for me, but became so few and far between that I couldn’t hold on anymore.

A relationship is its own entity. It cannot feed off of a third party, which in our case was the stand-up show. It's crazy to think a show meant to make people laugh constantly brought me to tears. The power of a relationship lies in the hands of the people in it. I thought I knew this, but it was hard to acknowledge my boyfriend had a more romantic relationship with a business than he had with me.