The Gift of Forgiveness

The Gift of Forgiveness

Written by Heather Thorn

Art by Lauren Mallett

Of all the paths we go down in life, the most difficult is the high road. Someone wise once said, “Your oldest friends are the ones you’ve forgiven the most.” I’ve been mulling it over ever since, wondering how much power people truly have to forgive when human error holds us back. 

I yearn to learn the world’s secrets—uncovering every mystery to discover human truths. Whether you’re an optimist or pessimist, most of us have, at some point, pondered the question of soulmates—either self-assured they exist or confidently curious and comfortable with the unknown. 

Is there a such thing as a “soulmate,” whether platonically or romantically? A person out there who’s your perfect missing piece, someone you’ll never clash with? Someone to grow in sync with, without disagreement? Or are arguments and butting heads bound to happen, becoming the deciding factors of growth at the hands of forgiveness?

Long-term relationships, whether with your best friend from high school or a romantic partner, require the ability to move forward in a positive direction despite difficulties faced, such as annoying arguments, catty conflicts, or dragging disagreements that boil your blood. Forgiveness, though at times challenging, is essential for maintaining healthy and flourishing relationships to continue growing.

While most of us would like to live in a world where we never argue with our best friend, butt heads with a parent, or quarrel with a sibling, the hard truth is: life isn’t that easy. Confronting unresolved issues is an unavoidable and healthy part of life; it allows one the opportunity to smooth ruffled feathers before it’s too late. Without an acknowledgment of problems or contentions, relationships are left to fester in unsaid qualms and secret resentments that open the gates to bitterness and distance.

The gift of forgiveness—whether forgiving a friend, yourself, or the world for its flaws—is the most powerful tool anyone can possess. Forgiveness allows us to move past hurt, only once we’ve decided to.

Talking through issues within a relationship lets us move past them, rebuild trust, and ultimately create a stronger bond due to the release of negativity or stubborn grudges that would otherwise hinder a relationship’s healthy progression. Forgiveness is infinitely valuable due to the opportunity it gives us to move forward in a partnership by understanding human error. 

Ups and downs are inevitable. In relationships, being disappointed or hurt by the other person is often unavoidable. That’s the truth of what it means to be human: We’re often hurt the most by those we love. We must decide what makes someone worth forgiving; forgiveness is not equivalent to overlooking the hurtful actions of others. Instead, it is recognizing that oftentimes the errors people make are unintentional. Forgiveness must be approached with compassion and a willingness to understand a perspective different from yours. It is the choice to grow with someone or without them. 

Outgrowing relationships is also an inevitable part of life, because we are constantly growing. Constant growth means constant change, and with that comes the never-ending process of learning who we are, as well as those around us. Our constant evolution means it is normal to disagree with the people we love because it impacts how we interact, communicate, and connect.  

Although we would like to prevent conflicts, fights, and awkward breakups, our only power is how we respond and react to each other. No one is perfect. Making mistakes is part of the human experience; we have the power to forgive those we love by understanding this. Seeking to confront and discuss unresolved relationship issues allows us to move forward, ultimately forging long-lasting bonds that strengthen over time.
Just like you, everyone you see, know, and love is also experiencing life for the first time. Remember graciousness in times of dispute. Forgiveness is the gift that keeps on giving: An act of kindness that can bring peace to both the forgiver and the forgiven. Releasing anger, spite, and resentment might just be the most rewarding thing you’ll do.