Monkey Branching: Stop Swinging, Be Single

Monkey Branching: Stop Swinging, Be Single

Written by Heather Thorne

Art By Lucy Latorre

We’ve all witnessed it, you might have even done it: monkey branching. And I’m not talking about going to the zoo. In fact, I’m not even talking about monkeys at all. The phenomenon of monkey branching is that of serial monogamy. Vogue defines it as “jumping from one partner to the next,” often resulting in a whiplash effect on relationships from the speed in which the serial dater rinses and repeats.

Serial monogamists are almost always dating someone. They quickly—if not immediately—move into another relationship once the previous one ends and are unlikely to stay single for more than a couple weeks or months. In some cases, they even set their eyes on a potential partner while in their current relationship. Like a monkey swinging from branch to branch, the serial monogamist never lets go of one relationship too long before reaching for another.

When questions of timing and intention emerge, monkeybranching can blur the lines of cheating and monogamy. Premeditation can be considered emotional cheating, posing questions of (in)fidelity when the serial monogamist’s eyes wander, actively scouting possible options while still committed to someone else.

The constant dopamine rushes of monkey branching (not to mention the honeymoon phases) can make the pursuit of novelty addictive. Though serial monogamists may be addicted to the neurochemical high of early intimacy and love, subconscious fears can prevent them from sustaining healthy bonds once the butterflies fly away.

The roots of serial monogamy are nothing new: societal pressure and the fear of being alone. One’s inability to be comfortably alone is a sign of underlying attachment, self-esteem, or validation issues fueled by the pursuit of novelty. Serial daters may have a fear of loneliness driven by low self-esteem, pushing them to search for a shiny new relationship even if their heartisn’t all in. Dating to avoid being single can become a pattern of intense and passionate, but brief, connections that break up as quickly as they begin.

Our culture puts a high price tag on coupledom, teaching us that we’re only as good as the relationship we’re in. Society’s obsession with romance pressures us to find a partner under the pretense that it’s the only way to find happiness and fulfillment in life—and we learn to view our relationships as a testament to our self-worth. As a result, serial monogamy can become a cyclical dating pattern when the dater doesn’t stop to ask themselves why they swing from relationship to relationship in search of external validation.

Let’s be clear: I’m not telling you not to date; I’m advising on the potential destructive behavior imposed on the serial monogamist and their partner(s) alike when the dating pattern isn’t addressed. There’s a difference between preferring to be monogamous and being unable to enjoy life or even function as a single person. By not taking a break or learning how to be alone, the serial dater sets both themselves and the people they date up for failure.

Monkey branching can have several implications on the monogamist, potentially stifling the development of meaningful connections, harming self-esteem, or cementing codependent bonds. Starting another relationship as soon as one ends halts the grieving process, providing a distraction from mourning loss and love. This avoidance of emotional reflection leads to the pursuit of external validation as opposed to introspection.

The partner being left, on the other hand, may experience feelings of abandonment, betrayal, self-doubt, and emotional distress. When they begin to wonder what they did wrong for their partner to move onto another relationship, their self-doubt can carry into future relationships and lead to issues opening uagain.

Never embracing the fact that you could be abandoned in a relationship sets yourself up to be the one abandoning. Monkey branching can become more than pursuing the grass that’s greener. Without addressing the underlying issues, the serial monogamist may repeat the behavior and ultimately never find the stability, satisfaction, and commitment they seek.

Learning to be securely alone allows us to securely attach in a healthy way later. After all, you can only be happy in a relationship when you’re happy being alone, too. Though serial monogamists chase external validation, the fulfillment they so desperately chase after can only be found in themselves.

The first step is recognizing the pattern, and the rest is conscious change carried out by introspection and self-improvement. It’s important to sit with the discomfort of being single, an act that allows us to spend time with ourselves and reconsider our values and priorities. Only when we become comfortable being with ourselves can we pursue others in a healthy manner— then, the relationship can become meaningful, rather than an avoidance.

Finding stability from within is crucial to stop self-sabotaging. Investigating emotional fears and deep-rooted attachment styles allows us to learn from—and break—the unhealthy patterns that harm our relationships. Digging deeper lets us form relationships fed by more than initial attraction and physical chemistry: longevity.