How To Confide In Your Confidence

by Leo Lukaszevicz

Confidence is key. Confidence is not narcissism, but instead a secure trust in ourselves that we can achieve the goals we set. It is the power we hold that enables us to take risks and to take on new challenges and opportunities.

For me, confidence can sometimes be hard to find in new situations or unfamiliar settings. But, over the last few years, I have found ways to increase my self-confidence allowing me to do the things I love without second-guessing my ability to do so.

A great way to start to find your confidence is to keep a positive vocabulary and mindset. I talked about this in last week's blog post, but try to step out of negative or embarrassing situations and find positive light in them. Reframe negative thoughts to find little ways you succeed. This turns failures into victories and allows you to make mistakes. Keeping a positive mindset takes off the pressure of caring about what other people think, allowing for more confidence and the ability to explore the things you love.
A second way I seek confidence is by altering the way I compare myself to others. What makes us different makes us special, and we should embrace these qualities. We should not shy away from the qualities that make us stand out, for they are the ones that draw people in. Whether it is the way we look, talk, or the things we do, once we embrace our individuality, we can learn to love it and show it off unapologetically. We should limit our intake of harmful media, such as photoshopped Instagram photos or unrealistic lifestyle TikToks. Instead, follow people on social media you look up to or who inspire you. Follow people you deem confident. What makes them confident? What traits do they hold that makes them present themselves as confident? How can you mirror those traits in your own life?

Another way I find confidence is by getting ready and wearing outfits I love. If I look good, I feel good. If I'm in an outfit I don't think I look good in, I will be worried that other people will think the same thing. But this goes beyond the clothes we wear. Maybe you feel more confident with a certain makeup look or the way you do your hair.

The last way I find confidence is from the things I hear. This can be from remarks from friends and family, or from the music I listen to. Getting compliments and genuine support in response to little things always boosts self-confidence. Whether it is from the work you are creating, or just a friend reminding you how special you are, small compliments can make you feel much better than you’d think. Now don't go around asking for compliments, but if you are surrounding yourself with people who care about you, these will come naturally (don’t be afraid to give some compliments to the people you love as well!) Also, I typically enjoy listening to positive music. Recently, if I am off to a class that I know I am going to present or take a test in, I listen to upbeat music. This helps me get into a confident, motivated mindset and gets me pumped up to do the best that I can. My go-to has been the Renicanses album by Beyoncé. Her song lyrics exude love and strength, making it easier to get into that headspace.

Just like many skills, confidence takes time to learn and believe. You may have to fake your confidence before you believe it—and that is totally fine. One of my favorite quotes is from the tv show Euphoria, where one character says, “The thing about confidence is that no one knows if it's real or not.” Sometimes I faked my confidence when I was around people I did not know. I pretend to be confident through the words I say and the things I do and, without fail, people are always so nice. This scenario is like practicing an instrument or learning a sport: practice makes perfect. The more I faked my confidence, the easier it became to act as such, and over time I genuinely believed it.
Self-confidence in our individuality and uniqueness is one of the most beautiful traits we learn in life. Give it time and trust the process.

I'll see you next week, but in the meantime, be kind to yourself,

Leo

Photograph: Pinterest

How To Confide In Your Confidence