Talking to my friends’ boyfriends has never been easy. We only make small talk, usually talking about work and school. Once we finish these two topics the conversation goes stale. There I am, standing next to someone my best friend is in love with, someone who means so much to them, and I have run out of things to talk about.

Most of my friends from home have boyfriends, the majority attending the same college. This distance gives me less time to get to know their boyfriends, leaving me dependent on rushed conversations in crowded environments.

As the friend who has always been single, I also have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that my friends have these important romantic relationships. These people that they really care about, that they see and talk to every single day. I never have a true grasp on just how important these guys are. Why do I have to build a relationship with them, it’s not like you’re going to be with them forever, right? But my friends are in this for the long run.

The relationship that I have with someone my friend is dating depends heavily on how much information they tell me about their relationship. Some friends only tell me about the good things, probably because they know the second they tell me anything bad I’ll hate him forever. However, if they only tell me nice things, I’ll probably think he’s a sweet guy. When a friend comes to me asking for advice every time they fight or when he lies, I’m not going to have the best opinion of the guy I only know through Instagram.

I have sat with my friends and consoled them after breakups as they told me all of the awful things about their relationship that they didn’t dare tell me while they were together. I constantly remind her that he isn’t worth it and that she can do better, only for her to text me a few weeks later that they’re back together. Now, I have to somehow forget all of the horrible things that happened during their relationship, and the way he broke her heart, and act friendly when I see them together. It’s impossible to go back on your word, my friend now knows I hate him. I told her I thought she could do better, that she was out of his league, and now I am pretending that I’m so happy you guys are hanging out again!

There are some boyfriends that, if I saw out in public, I would stop and talk to. Some boyfriends, if I saw them in an aisle at the grocery store, I would move to a different aisle in order to avoid them. Some of them I just get along with better. The conversation flows more naturally; it feels like our friendship can exist outside of their romantic relationship. We have common interests outside of her that we can chat about. For some, it’s clear that the only reason we would ever have a conversation is because they’re dating my friend. We would never interact with each other if it wasn’t for their relationship.

I sometimes feel forced to be in these relationships. On paper, we don’t have much in common other than the fact that we both love my best friend. But these are not people I would have ever known or talked to if not for their relationship. Out of kindness to my friends, and a desire to know someone who plays such a big role in their life, I make an effort. I ask them something mundane and hope that they ask me something in response. As a people pleaser, I can’t just ignore them when I see them. I need to start a conversation for the sake of my friends, even if the conversation only lasts two minutes.

At the end of the day, my friends’ boyfriends are pretty decent, not my type but I guess that doesn’t really matter. When I see them next I will probably ask them how classes are and what they plan on doing after graduation. Eventually, I will have to start taking these relationships a little bit more seriously, because it looks like they’re going to be around for the long haul.

“Ask You Easy Questions About Work and School”