Hot take… love is NEVER a waste

Written by Scarlett Heikkila

Take it from the girl who went through four boyfriends in four years of high school: heartbreak isn’t THAT bad – at least, not as bad as closing yourself off to the trials and tribulations of love. Warning, if you’re avoidant, this might not be the piece for you (but you should read it anyways!). 

Looking back on those relationships, I wish I could lie and say some were better than they actually were, but I can’t. Instead, what I can say is that, despite how subpar some of them were, I don’t regret a single one. In my first relationship I was cheated on four times, in my second I was left emotionally drained, and my third was quite frankly, a waste of time. And the fourth? Great, don’t worry, I didn’t forget about that one. Still, some could argue the previous three left me worse off than when I started. But I’m here to tell you that every relationship serves a purpose, even when it feels like a complete disaster. Rather than running from the possibility of heartbreak, we should be more open to meeting new people and exploring the potential for love. 

Let’s first address all the crap that might come from a relationship. Yes, I got cheated on. It kinda sucks! But without that experience, I wouldn’t know which red flags to look out for in a partner, nor would I have learned how to establish boundaries for myself. This was where I learned to stop making excuses for shady behavior and start standing firm in my beliefs about how I wanted to be loved. It was an important lesson, and one I’m grateful to have learned so young. Though, that doesn’t mean the process was painless, there were still plenty of tears!

My second relationship somehow managed to be worse. Although I had learned to establish boundaries and stand by them, I still had a lot to learn about refusing to tolerate manipulative bullshit. I knew how I deserved to be treated and wasn’t afraid to demand better from my partner. The problem was that I still let him gaslight and manipulate me into believing there were valid reasons he wasn’t treating me that way. I demanded better but continued to buy into the age-old promise of “I’ll do better.” News flash: they never do! Despite pushing me to rock bottom, this relationship taught me to recognize the nuances of manipulative “love,” which aren’t always as black and white as we’d like to believe. I learned to distinguish genuine affection from empty promises, recognize my own limits and reflect on the kind of partner I wanted to be. Trust me, I was far from perfect as well.

Moving on to the third relationship, which I still consider a huge waste of time, I can admit that even those two measly months served a purpose. Clearly, the relationship didn’t last long, because I finally knew how to put my previous lessons into practice. I finally stood by my beliefs, and recognized the signs and left before it got worse. Although I still consider those two months wasted, it was my final test to see how much I had truly learned from previous experiences. I think I passed with flying colors.

Then came the fourth relationship, the one that reminded me why putting myself out there was worth it in the first place. After three experiences that taught me what I didn’t want, I finally got to experience what I did want. It reminded me that love doesn’t have to be a constant battle of boundaries, broken promises, and overall disappointment. Sometimes, it can just be good. And even if that relationship didn’t fully work out (thank you long distance), it wouldn’t have made the experience any less meaningful. Not every relationship needs to last forever to have been worth having.

So, to anyone who has sworn off dating after one too many bad experiences, I get it. Take your time, heal, and learn to enjoy your own company. But don’t let the fear of repeating your past convince you that your future has nothing better to offer. Four boyfriends later, I’ve learned that heartbreak is an unfortunate part of putting yourself out there, but it isn’t a reason to stop. Every relationship has taught me something about the people I chose, the love I accept, and the person I want to be. After all, I’d rather have a few heartbreaks and a couple tears shed than spend my life wondering what I missed out on because I was too afraid to try, and hot take… you should too!