If you’ve grown up going to a Catholic church, you know that texting your significant other during Mass or drinking wine outside of communion is considered taboo. You don’t wear ripped jeans, you sing all of the hymns, and you certainly don’t ditch the weekly ritual for a concert. Yet, it is everything taboo in the religion that we find thrilling.

The truth is, the stereotypical ‘90s grunge-rock, rebel Catholic kid isn’t exactly off par. When you are forced to be the pristine Catholic school teen, everything you suddenly want to do is the opposite of who you are expected to be. The teens in Derry Girls consistently rebel against their parents, and we find it humorous. The rock & roll in Sing Street is looked down on by adults, and yet we find the high schoolers cool. And in Lady Bird, we find the discourse between Saoirse Ronan and every adult figure, from priests and guidance counselors to her own mother, utterly relatable. The trend is in: everyone likes a rule-breaker.

The problem with the rebel Catholic child portrayed in the media is that there is a lot more depth to the surface-level rule-breaking that we actually see. Although it’s not completely their fault for the reason that you cannot squish the endless amount of Catholic guilt that a young person faces in a two-hour time frame.

Catholicism is deeply rooted in guilt. There are so many prayers blaming ourselves and apologizing to God. Every priests’ homilies tend to be about forgiveness for our mistakes.

At the epitome of it all is confession, one of the seven sacraments where we apologize for every sin we’ve committed. So it makes sense why introverted people like myself are constantly apologizing for everything: it is ingrained in our mind.

On top of this, the very anxiety-driven Catholic guilt is often the butt of many jokes. My first college boyfriend used to tease me about any guilt that I had experienced being a form of “Catholic guilt.” My high school friends would have comebacks to my humor with anything remotely related to my faith. And as funny as it can be, the reality of being tied down to something so heavy at such a young age is exhausting. So what’s considered fun and games to them immediately stops as soon as you visit home for a weekend.

You don’t have to say anything for someone in your immediate family to catch onto your lack of faith. Showing mere doubt of the religion is frowned upon. Parents and grandparents have no problem with guilting you into church, and beyond that they expect an explanation out of you. Obviously you don’t owe them anything, but the generational guilt makes it feel like you owe them everything.

Catholic guilt can feel suffocating at a time in your life where you’re meant to feel free. Whether straying away from the religion or abandoning it altogether, families are easily disappointed. And, if they’re similar to my family, the whole image of their picture-perfect daughter being twisted into her own individual self is simply not accepted. After so much progress in college, you regress back home. So what do you do when this happens?

A healthy thing to do is to find someone who will accept and listen to your anxieties. Because, whether you believe it or not, Catholic guilt is very real and very heavy. Odds are a good amount of the anxiety you face now manifested as a result of any past and present Catholic guilt. Someone who might have similar expertise or experiences in particular can help with this, whether that’s a therapist, a close friend, or a sibling. It is always good to have a trustworthy confidant.

Spend some time distracting yourself from the strenuous topic. I’m from a small town, so driving always helps me focus on the road and put aside Catholic guilt. Plus, it can feel good to physically spend time away from your tense household. Don’t loiter around your house for too long. If you feel pressure rising, find an escape for a period of time.

Remind yourself that you deserve to go through this “phase” in your life; that you owe it to yourself to work on yourself. It’s healthy and, quite honestly, beautiful. You don’t have to justify reflecting on yourself; it’s a good grasp on determining what you want rather than what your family wants for you. Don’t dread what your family says; express what you have to say.

So yes, the idea of the rebel child at a surface level feels fun and funky. But the reality of it is much more complex. Are you actually rebelling if you’re just trying to figure yourself out? It’s all about overcoming Catholic guilt, and finding a strategic way to get to it before the judge slams their gavel to claim that you are guilty as charged.

(Catholic) Guilty as Charged