I told my partner Nathan on our first date that I was planning on moving to Boston in a few months. He said that wouldn’t be a problem. We were both from St. Louis: I was in town for the summer and a semester online; he lived there full-time after graduating from college in 2018. We started dating in July (our anniversary is the most hallowed of dates, 7/11) and moved in together with two other people in the beginning of January.

It wasn’t a decision based solely on love, on being ready for that next step in the relationship and being committed to each other. That was definitely an aspect to it, but not the only reason. There was practicality to consider—neither of us wanted to do a long-distance relationship—and also the fact that both of us hated our hometown and both independently wanted to leave before meeting each other. When I brought up the idea of moving to Nathan, he said it was almost too good to be true. All the stars aligned in our favor.

We packed a U-Haul full of all our most valuable worldly possessions—my books, his games, our bed—and drove across the country for two days in the middle of winter.

According to Dr. Lindsey Beck, a social psychologist who teaches Psychology of Relationships at Emerson, couples that cohabitate to “test drive” the relationship to see if it will work out typically experience more negative outcomes like increased conflict and lower satisfaction. On the other hand, she said, couples that are already committed and have a lot of investment in the relationship before cohabiting typically experience more positive effects on the relationship upon moving in.

I’d say that Nathan and I were firmly committed before moving in together. We’d had conversations not just about moving out to Boston, but moving on to New York or potentially abroad after my graduation in the spring of 2022. We affirmed our feelings for each other regularly, often showing how much we meant to the other through little trinkets and surprises. Some of my close friends even had bets on when he was going to propose.

When we moved in, we only got closer—I mean this very literally. We were constantly cuddling on the couch while watching TV or hanging out in the same space if we were both home. We had sex more regularly. We started talking more about the future, even if some of those answers were a little unclear to us. I’m an extrovert; I hardly ever want to be alone. All of which to say, for me, this was not an issue in the slightest. The few times I have felt the need for more space, I would take a walk around our neighborhood or read a book in a different room. I’d be back in his arms within hours.

For Diana and her partner, Alec, the decision to move in was also based on commitment and practicality. Alec lived off-campus before Diana, and when Diana’s senior year rolled around, it made sense for the two of them to move in together after dating for about a year and a half. They had already unofficially been living together over the summer, so when fall came, they both signed the lease. “Yeah, we’re in a relationship and we’re in love, but we’re also best friends,” Diana said. “We just hang out, and it feels natural. It feels like what it’s supposed to be and always has been. I can’t imagine not having this life, no matter where we end up next. The plan was always to stay together, I would feel like on my side.”

Beck also made note in our conversation that for couples where one partner identifies as a man and the other as a woman, they tend to conform to more traditional gender roles over time in the relationship once they move in, no matter how egalitarian their views may be. I’d say that holds true for me and Nathan. In terms of household chores, I tend to clean more, while Nathan does more technical things like setting up the Wi-Fi, taking out the trash, and running errands. It’s an arrangement that feels comfortable and natural for us; Nathan is a little older and has lived in an apartment before (I hadn’t when we moved in together), so it just makes sense to have him do some technical things.

Our lease expires in August, and we haven’t found a new place to live yet. But I can count on who I’ll be living with.

Living With Love