I Am Exactly Like Other Girls

No, really.

For all of middle school, I hid how much I loved One Direction. Out of everything I should have probably been ashamed of during that time, that was the one thing I was deeply embarrassed about. Despite the fact that they were the most popular band at the time, it was seen as criminally uncool to enjoy their music. And for the first time in my life, I realized it could be lame to like something so likable. 

Although this term hadn’t quite been invented yet, it was at the precipice of becoming a trend that has plagued us to this day. Claiming that you’re Not Like Other Girls is how we often get away with misogyny in 2021. 

In order to be seen as different, unique, or quirky, there is a pressure to become anything but yourself. Maybe it has morphed over the years, but the foundation is all the same—by desperately trying to separate yourself from the girls around you, you are letting it be known you are cooler, edigier, better. It is not just that you are the best option, but that those other girls are worse by default. 

The real epidemic starts to come when the shame is placed on other girls, other women. I’m not like other girls, I’m better. 

Olivia de Recat first wrote about this phenomenon in The New Yorker in 2017. She wrote a satirical piece declaring that other girls are picky at restaurants, wear too much makeup, and can’t be “one of the guys.” But not her. While this essay dramatically imagines a date in which you’d spend the entire night dissing other women, it is not too far from the truth. And for the most part, I can’t even really blame the girls who feel as though they must distance themselves from other women. There’s always been this innate pressure to compete, and sometimes you find yourself doing this without even realizing it. 

You grab a beer at the bar instead of a fruity cocktail, and the guy next to you seems impressed. It immediately becomes ingrained in you that you’re cool, and different, maybe even special. And isn’t that a feeling we’re all trying to chase? We’ve all fell victim to this. Maybe your favorite song starts trending on TikTok, and now everyone knows it. You want to scream that it was yours first, you knew it before there was a cute dance, and you want to be rewarded for that. 

Social media has only sped up this problem. “Pick Me Girls” is another version of this trend, which is also a variation of “Manic Pixie Dream Girl” from the early 2010’s. Clearly, no matter what this is being called, it all comes back to the same issue - putting down other girls. And it’s being recycled year after year after year.

Mary Anne Taylor, an assistant professor at Emerson and a rhetoric and gender scholar, believes that this issue is by no means recent, and can actually be seen in many eras. “We saw this in the 90's Riot Gurl culture, we saw this with punk. A lot of women were trying to separate themselves from that because of those stereotypes.” When it comes to feminismm, there may be a desire to feel as though you are not like the ones causing problems, or being difficult. You’re not like those crazy, bra burning girls-- you’re normal, you’re good, you’re sane, even if you want to be out there burning bras with them. Perhaps 30 years ago, there was no catchy name for this need to be separate due to the fact our interests weren’t as broadly broadcasted on social media. Instagram, TikTok, and Twitter have all contributed to this rise in feeling like you need to be different, especially when it can feel as though we are all the same. 

When there’s trends built around specifically pointing out exactly how every girl wears the same fall outfit, drinks the same coffee, and can’t help but turn up the newest Taylor Swift song, it feels like a direct attack. And in many ways, it is one.   

Is there a way out of this cycle we’ve created for ourselves? As a general rule, we’re all sort of damned if we do, damned if we don’t. If you love The Beatles, you’re doing it to impress your boyfriend. If you exclusively listen to Top 40 radio, you need to branch out, expand your interests. So you might as well just do what you want.