In a few short months, I will be a rising senior, putting me a year away from being sent off with a cap and gown. Paired with a kiss and a hug, I will be off into what everyone calls ‘the real world.’ Until then, I’m stuck in the itchy limbo of child and adulthood; too young to be taken seriously, but old enough to have free-forming and elaborate thoughts. As a result, I’ve often noticed an unmendable gap between myself and the older generation— especially with my parents.

Upon arriving at a family dinner a couple of weeks ago, I was expecting a pleasant reunion filled with new stories, laughter, and slightly overcooked pasta. Though all of these hopes were made true, the mood promptly changed with the mention of politics. The air in our throats thickened with pride and opinions, and it then became a game of who could resist the first cheap shot.

My two brothers and I took an adamant liberal stance, while he took a passionate, and arguably unproductive, conservative stance. Disagreeing is an intrinsic part of human nature, so why did I end up excusing myself from the table halfway through dinner? My stepdad was quick to make the first jab.

It was the way in which he went about disagreeing that upset me— which unfortunately aligns with the way most older folks go about having a political discussion. There was rarely any wiggle room to counter or share our points, and when there was, it was immediately shot down with an aggressive remark or derogatory comment; either we didn’t have the proper experience to be arguing about such things, or we were ‘privileged shits’ abusing the system. I can’t help but look to two things for blame: familial relationships and the age gap.

Sadly, the comfort of loved ones allows us to hurt each other sometimes. The walls are thinner amongst family, and for good reason— you share nearly everything, which can be endearing but dangerous. When opinions clash, we know what comments are going to hurt a little more, and regardless of whether or not the point gets across, it’s easy to get personal. Though it stung when my stepdad, with red sauce flying out of his mouth, called us “ignorant children that don’t know the first thing about the welfare system,” I can’t entirely blame him.

Politics can be a passionate subject, especially when discussed amongst people with passionate relationships. That being said, the comment was irrelevant to the issue at hand, and it served more as an insult rather than a political point. And, I can assure you, I am not entirely an ignorant child when it comes to politics.

This brings me to the second problem: the age gap. Yes, from time to time I can find common ground with my parents/family members— maybe through a song, movie, or our family dog that hiccups when she drinks water too fast—and it’s usually a lovely shared experience. With that being said, it’s the disconnects that hit harder, because they usually have to do with fundamental beliefs that prove very difficult to change. In my experience, our differences are highlighted when faced with issues on race, religion, love, or any and all ideological concepts regarding the way life should be lived. These differences can be so major that they just can’t be ignored— thus sparking heated debates.

Ultimately, the age gap and closeness influence each other perpetually. When you’re different from someone, you can’t help but argue. And, when you’re fundamentally different from a family member, you argue, but with more emotionally-driven vigor.

The key here becomes taking a deep breath, and sitting back down at the table. Although it sucks to be written off as a child, you know it’s the adult in you that comes back to listen; not to spit gasoline onto the family fire, but to respect and celebrate the array of perspectives the people in your life bring to the table.

That dinner was the first time in months someone had disagreed with my beliefs. We are so lucky here at Emerson to be surrounded by like-minded and open people. But, at the end of the day, our college is a bubble that shields us from the complex and conflicting ideologies of the world. I am fairly certain that my parents and I will continue to disagree on a number of extremely important things, but I am now more confident in my approach. By listening, asking questions, and arguing with intention, I can not only deflect the family insults and personally-driven jabs, but make a better name for the generation of not-so-ignorant-children.

Mind The Gap