Growing up, I rarely saw or heard any sexual references in my house. Other than the occasional television show or movie, my knowledge of sex was pretty limited. And, when I lost my virginity senior year of high school, sex was still a big taboo. My sex tastes were pretty average—doggy style or missionary. The most “adventurous” aspects of my sex life were hooking up in a movie theatre or car.

It wasn’t until I came to Emerson that my knowledge of sex started to break outside of the box. And, it wasn’t because I was thousands of miles away from my traditional family. Rather, I found my roommate’s vibrator.

A few days before the beginning of the spring semester, I was looking into Susie’s room for a t-shirt to wear for a party we were hosting in our dorm. But instead of a cute top, I found a vibrator. At first, I was confused about what it was, holding it in my hand for a while. Then, it started vibrating, making a loud buzzing noise. I stared for a few seconds before I realized that it was a vibrator, a sex toy Susie used on herself and her boyfriend. I freaked out, immediately dropped it on the floor, and went back to the party without saying a word.

As classes started, I tried to forget about the “vibrator incident,” but no matter how much I tried to distract myself, I kept thinking of her sex toy and why had I never bought one for myself.

“I think it’s so important for people to be open with their sexuality,” said Veronica, a sophomore video and media arts major at Emerson College. “So many girls get uncomfortable with how they smell or taste or how they look down there. I think it’s important to be open with conversation, so then you don’t have to like feel weird when you’re having sex with someone.”

Veronica says she’s used sex toys since she was 14 years old. While she’s never been ashamed of her sexuality, Veronica says her decision to use sex toys was not so easily accepted by her parents.

To figure out my own feelings about sex and sex toys, I turned to friends for advice a week after finding Susie’s vibrator. To my surprise, my friends also had vibrators and dildos in their dorm room. Contrary to public media, most college girls are not only sexually active with their partners but with themselves. In fact, according to Bustle, 42 percent of women in the U.S. own a sex toy and 68 percent of women have masturbated at least once.

Tina*, a sophomore journalism major at Emerson College, says she bought her first sex toy, a vibrator, at 16-years-old. While being in a long-distance relationship with her boyfriend of three years, Tina says she used her vibrator without shame. She doesn’t see a problem with finding pleasure in herself.

Growing up, masturbation was a taboo topic in my household. When I started having sex, my mom took me to the doctor for birth control. Never in our conversations about safe sex, pregnancy, or urinary tract infections did she mention masturbation or pleasure.

Masturbation serves a stress reliever, an active workout, and a way to explore your sexual tastes. However, due to the limited amount of conversations about masturbation, it can be hard for women to feel comfortable with finding pleasure in themselves when they think the act is abnormal.

“I talk to my roommate so openly [and] we really get into these conversations where we’re talking about the first time we masturbated and stuff,” Veronica admitted. “It’s interesting to learn about other people and compare your own experiences. [It] normalizes all the weird things.”

Having my conversations with my friends about their sexual tastes and their decisions to use sex toys made me it easier and more comfortable for me to take charge of my own sexual needs. I don’t need to rely on hookup apps or parties to find pleasure—I have the power to decide to do it myself.

Without conversations about the importance of masturbation, I’m not sure if I would’ve engaged in my own sexual journey. Masturbation is normal and should be treated that way. There’s nothing wrong or unnatural about using self-pleasure, fingers, dildos, vibrators, and other sex toys for company. Who knew I needed to find my roommate’s vibrator to figure that out for myself?

I Found My Suitemate's Vibrator