I was never the “favorite” child growing up.

My mother gets mad whenever I tell her that, but it’s true. Every parent loves their kids, but it’s an entirely understandable phenomenon to relate to one more than the other. Just because they “love you equally,” doesn’t mean they have to like you equally.

My mother idealized my sister. She was an award-winning tap dancer. She danced around 20 hours a week at her local studio, everything from pointe ballet to acrobatics. My mother was also an athlete in high school, competing in gymnastics across the country. My sister has straight A’s on her transcripts dating back to fifth grade. My mother has a near-double major in computer science and mathematics. They’re cut from the same cloth. It’s easier to relate more with someone who reminds you of yourself. I understand that. I’ve always been programmed more like my father. And yet, all of that changed when I went off to college.

My parents got divorced when I was two years old. He had unlimited visitation rights, but she had full custody. We lived in an average middle-class home in the suburban west side of Worcester. My father moved up to New Hampshire, where he met my now-stepmom. They had my oldest half-sister almost exactly a year later. For a long time after that, it was just my mom, my sister, and me. My mother dedicated her entire life to us, working long hours and neglecting friends for whatever activity our hearts desired.

And yet, at home, I was always the one holding the house together. It’s not an easy task to live with two versions of my mother. I was the balance, the organization.

We didn’t fight that often, but we did bicker. She drove me crazy. We were two very different people trying to make sense of the same world.

But come September of my first year at Emerson, my mother realized that without me, she was alone. I had never really thought about what would happen when I left home until I did—how she would have nothing to come home to after long nights of work, less than a handful of friends to mingle with throughout the week.

My sister lived at home until this year, but she was rarely there. She went to school, had an internship, worked, and danced. When she got home, she wanted a break. She used all her available time to go out with friends or visit my father. It’s entirely reasonable, but it also left my mother completely isolated. So, once a week, I would call my mom and update her on my schedule, laugh about family drama, and listen to what she had to say. I would do that when I lived at home, too, but it took me moving away for her to appreciate our differences.

I’m not the only one with this experience. It’s more than just “empty-nest syndrome.” The world still moves on when you’re not in it. Those whom you leave behind continue to evolve in your absence while you’re at college. Some students find that this helps them communicate with their parents more efficiently and become closer to them, only with smaller doses of conversation. Others who used to be close find an odd separation.

Political communications major Cassia Burns ‘21 says she’s always had a close relationship with her parents. Now, living here on campus at Emerson, she remains close with them. She calls her mom almost every day and visits her hometown of Tewksbury once a month.

“I would say I get along with her better during the school year because we are so similar,” she says, “so during the summer we’re more likely to bicker.”

Mari Sitner, Theatre and Performance ‘21, says, “My parents do not want me home anymore. They’re living the high life. They’re bachelors and bachelorettes again.” Her mom and stepdad recently quit their jobs to live in a van and travel around the country. She says they love to go to small bars and see their favorite bands. They don’t really have set plans when it comes to where to go and what to see.

“They’re like ‘please don’t come home for the summer. We’re having so much fun without you,’” Sitner says. “And I’m like, ‘Thanks.’”

My own relationship has been equally complicated. I never really talked to my mom before moving to college. With my sister now also in college, I feel even more like it’s my responsibility to be there for my mom. Now, she really is all alone.

Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder