Flirty texts to our flings, suave pick-up lines to people across the room, and distinctly chosen emojis in an Instagram comment on a flame’s post are not always our work. Though relationships consist only of the couple, a barrage of our entrusted friends, maybe even family, contribute to what and how our romantic actions are executed. 

It’s no secret most of us turn to another for help on how to steer our romantic relationships. Personally, I can spontaneously make witty remarks in conversation and showcase my best qualities to someone I like, but this confidence does not spread to all the skills required in the dating arena. I, too, often nudge a confidant for assistance.

Our friends in Boston are often on-hand, making them the first people to whom we reach out.  Freshman journalism major Eloisa DeFarias said her roommate usually hears her romantic inquiries and rants before anyone else. 

“We are both very similar and have similar views on relationships, so I talk to her a lot,” DeFarias says. 

But Emerson is relatively small with a student population of 4,446, according to the college’s website, and it seems as if everyone knows everyone. Plus the web of Boston colleges remains oddly interconnected where students on our side of the Common know many others reachable by the T. News can travel fast in the wrong hands. 

Jen Van Pelt, a freshman communication studies major, said she warily confides in others on campus. 

“If you do something here, you can easily be labeled as the person who is really out there and not in a good way,” Van Pelt says. “You have to hold your cards because of how close people are with each other.”

Thankfully, texting, social media, and the breadth of the internet allow the wisdom of our personal relationship gurus to lie at our fingertips. 

An article by Bustle listed the “10 Most Searched Relationship Questions of 2017, According To Google.” The piece exposes how people pour their questions and issues with communication, long-distance, and even heartbreak into the search bar. 

Other times, many just shoot a long text to advisers on other parts of the map to see what they have to say. Van Pelt and DeFarias both admit to sending unending questions and screenshots to far-away friends. 

“If it’s a text back I need help with, I just screenshot and send it to people who are in California,” says Van Pelt. 

A handful of people look to their families for guidance. We turn to our siblings, our cool aunts, and trustworthy grandparents for quips on what to do. And though some relationships with parents are coated in secrecy, others are flooded with open communication about our love lives.

Van Pelt leans on her mom. “My mom gives me the more automatic, simple answer. Whereas my friends, in this day and age, are way more creative,” says Van Pelt. “And my mom is pretty much always right because she’s going with her gut.”

But when we go out of our way to ask for a second opinion on our romantic ailments, our intentions are not always pure. I’ve gone looking for bad advice––someone to validate my lousy decisions. I have searched until someone admits it’s normal for me to keep talking to my ex or says it’s okay I’m beating myself up about being too forward with a new spark. 

On the other hand, sometimes we take bad advice believing it is best for us. “I have listened to people when I should have listened to myself. Maybe what they told me was universally right, but for me, it wasn’t,” says DeFarias. 

And in even more instances, we ignore our guru’s good advice to fuel our misguided agenda. Without listening to reason, some of us continue conversations longer than we should, respond when we shouldn’t, and use techniques that are too cheesy or too weird with people we have just met.

In our interview, Van Pelt rolled her eyes and shrouded with disappointment in herself. Days before, she had accidentally added a ‘q’ in a text to a crush, not knowing ‘q’ was also her nickname. Van Pelt’s friends told her to end the conversation and go to bed. 

“But I kept the conversation going for three more bubbles,” Van Pelt says. “I did come to my senses before I got any deeper into this hole. I should have listened.”

In the end, the question remains whether all of us should be equating the opinion of others with our own when it comes to romance. Why are our relationship gurus anyone but us?

“Follow your own advice … I’ve always had issues with that,” says DeFarias. “Listening to too many people at once sometimes doesn’t get you anywhere.”