What is she even doing with her life?

What is she even doing with her life?

by Reese Panis

Photograph: Pinterest

Between the constant presence of social media and the numerous amount of successful peers I’m surrounded by, I question what I want to do with my life on a daily basis. I used to think that I had everything I wanted figured out; however, the truth is that every time I think I have something I figured out, my mind changes depending on the day and my mood. 

I used to be a big planner so I could feel like I had my life figured out and I knew what direction I was going towards. However, none of my plans have stuck and they have all since gone to shit. I stopped planning because I’ve noticed that when I do plan, it makes my goals seem like a chore. Lately, the feeling of being stagnant in life and the question of “Am I behind in life?” has been recurring, as I don’t have a set plan of where I want to end up. Overcoming this feeling of stagnancy, I’ve noticed that it has gotten easier for me to ask myself this question because of social media. I open up Instagram or TikTok looking for a quick laugh, but instead end up turning off my phone and enter a looming existential crisis.

It’s so easy to get caught up in what we don’t have and what others do have. You go on social media and you see someone who is the same age as you, but they are earning your annual income in a month’s time. They are traveling, have all the newest things, and they seemingly have their life together. You see how easy that was for me to say and pick out? It’s because when we get caught up in that whole mess, it’s all we see. 

We forget what we do have, where we are right now, and how hard we have worked to get there. Comparing ourselves to others isn’t fair to us because you are you and they are them. I used to be so hard on myself for not being in the same place as my peers; how could I expect that of myself when we are not the same people? We have different talents, skill sets, and experiences… I would often forget that their path is not my path. Everything I did and went through brought me here, we have our own trials and tributes to undergo and experience. We are constantly growing, learning, and becoming different people and because of that, our minds are bound to change. 

This period of feeling as if I’m at a standstill in my life has made me feel like I’m doing something wrong and as if something is missing from my life. However, I forget that I am whole as I am and the only thing I’m missing is patience. While going through this is not the best time, feeling lost and stagnant is natural and human. We need to experience these types of feelings to learn more about ourselves and reflect on what we value and believe. From personal experience, I know it’s easy to get caught up in feelings — because instead of feeling through them, I would embody them. To think of it like this I believe that the reason we have these stagnant periods in our lives is that it’s a sign from the universe; a sign that it’s time to rest and to heal, for all the good that’s soon to be entering our lives– because bad times create bad bitches.

Until next time,

Reese