Do You Think She Lies to Herself?

Do You Think She Lies to Herself?

by Reese Panis

photograph: Pinterest

Recently, I was thinking about how I used to talk to myself compared to how I do now. I never really paid attention to how I talked to myself because It’s the voice that I always hear the most, I disregarded it because it’s my voice. Now paying attention to it and reflecting on it I’m definitely nicer to myself now.

I came to the realization that the way I treated myself before was based on the way that I thought others perceived me. I don’t know how I jumped to the conclusion that people saw me in some way. I had no reason to believe that the perception was true. Assuming that I did know how others perceived me was pointless. How could I know what others are thinking of me? That perception was built off of my own insecurities and fears and was only affirmed because I let myself affirm it.

As I began to notice the way I would treat myself, I realized that I was my own worst enemy. I would a lot of times kick myself when I was already down. My first response to my wants and needs was to invalidate them or disregard them because I felt like I was asking for too much or didn’t deserve what I wanted. While the belief of being unworthy is a topic in and off itself, think about how you talk to yourself and what your first response is to your wants and needs. Are you nice to yourself? 

Well, I hope so.

Making the conscious decision to start treating yourself better feels awkward and fake at first, at least in my experience. Whenever I would redirect my thinking from negative to positive it would feel like I was lying to myself but like people say: fake it till you make it. It will feel fake at first but, the more you do it, the more it feels real and then at some point, you will believe that it’s true.

Something I would do to eliminate that feeling of unworthiness when I would reaffirm myself was pretending I was a friend. I thought of someone I love and care for, then I imagined that I was them. When I would start talking to myself badly, I would pretend that I was that person and I would stop. Because I wouldn’t have talked to them the way I talked to myself. Also, since it’s easier to be nicer to others instead of to yourself. Imagining myself as a friend allowed me to be more patient and gentle with myself. I wouldn’t make my friend believe their insecurities, encourage them to put others in front of themselves, and belittle them over everything they thought they did wrong. 

I know that those insecurities, mistakes, and fears don’t represent them as a whole.

Just as yours don’t represent you either. You deserve to be treated with the same love and kindness that you so freely give to others. Be your own cheerleader because when it comes down to it, the most important relationship you'll ever have is the one you have with yourself. And trust me, it's worth investing in.

Until next week,

Reese