What Are We?

WHAT ARE WE?

Written by Elise Guzman

Photograph by Laura Valentine

Dear Reader,

2023 was certainly a transformative year for me. I studied abroad for the first time, I published my writing to an online zine, and the confidence within myself grew. However, something I didn’t have on my 2023 bingo card was getting into a situationship! I truly planned my fall semester to be full of fun and spontaneity and my spring semester to be my globe-trotter era. Now, don’t get me wrong, that still happened, but I also fell in love in the process. 

Situationship [sich-oo-ey-shuhn-ship] noun: “A romantic connection between two people, when either one or two parties would prefer to keep their relationship unlabeled.”

A definition, courtesy of a fellow Emerson College journalism student. Her definition really speaks to the majority of people who have found themselves in a situationship. No matter where I looked––social media, my friends, or my peers––this term had become an epidemic. When I was starting my relationship, it wasn’t labeled purely because I was going to be traveling to Europe in four months, and that kind of commitment didn’t feel right. Little did I know, in the span of four months I’d fall hard. I am a lover girl at heart; if I'm putting my time and energy into you, that means something. While things were going well and I allowed myself to be vulnerable with A LOT of time, eventually we both said the wonderful “L” word, and I started to think about the haunting question that plagues us in these limbo stages of a relationship: “What are we?”

It’s a dreadful question, really. You either get a straightforward answer, or fall into the abyss of “I don’t know.” I don’t know? You don’t know?! How can two people go through the stages of a relationship and, when clarification is needed, there is nothing there. It’s the part of situationships that irks me, especially as someone who likes to have all of the answers. One party wants to continue with no labels and lack of expectations for the sake of feeling good where they are. Meanwhile, the other wants that consistency and that monogamy to know that this is their person. Let’s be honest: we know how nice it feels to be able to say “my man, my man, my man,” or whatever phrase you’d like. The ability to say that they’re your person brings a warmth to the heart that isn’t describable. We all want and need safety, compassion, and care as human beings. That’s where a situationship lacks. Throughout all of it, you will never have that consistency that is needed to grow a relationship. 

Hope is what stems through all of these situationships. The hope that your person will wake up one morning and be, like, “You know what? I’m finally ready to make you my partner.” The joy that gives a person! When we’ve put all of our love and trust into that person, I understand how we hold onto hope. For months on end, I too hoped that my person would finally be ready to call me their girlfriend. However, it didn’t happen and—as much as I hate to say it—it is my fault as much as it is theirs. While it sucks to have someone be so contradictory in their words and actions, it is up to us to have the strength and respect for ourselves to say, “I don’t want this, you can’t provide me what I need, and I have to leave this.” The best way to think about it is that we never want to see our friends in the positions that we’re in. We know we deserve true love and commitment, but it’s also hard for a lot of us to remember that. It takes work, I can’t even lie to you. Yet, it’s not impossible. 

As we navigate the year of 2024, I hope we continue to acknowledge what we want and not settle for a love that does not want us as much as we want them. 

Sincerely, Elise Guzman xoxo