Bestie, You Need To Be Boysober

I don’t know about you, but I am sick and tired of repeating the same dating-app disasters or finding myself stuck in yet another sour situationship. Swiping through those dating apps feels more like a chore than a chance at love these days. And don't even get me started on those situationships that leave you feeling more confused than fulfilled. It's like a never-ending cycle of disappointment. Dating nowadays seems to be as easy as swiping left or right, but I think it's time to break the cycle altogether. While it might seem easier to just move on from one person to the next, instead you should try avoiding potential partners, period.

But hey, have you heard about this concept of being “boysober”? Coined by Brooklyn-based comedian Hope Woodard, being boysober means stepping away from romantic entanglements, regardless of gender, to break free from toxic dating habits. Celibacy has kind of gotten cool. Even though it can be nice to fill that void of companionship with sex, you need to do more to really “find yourself” in your love life.

And don’t get upset if you’ve been single for so long. Being single for a while is not a curse; it's actually a blessing in disguise. As Woodard puts it, “You’re not single if someone is taking up space in your brain.” Boysober isn't about feeling lonely or deprived—it's about reclaiming ownership of your thoughts, emotions, and ultimately, your life.

The idea of not being able to date around might be daunting, but I believe that embracing the boysober lifestyle could surprise you in a positive way. Adopting the boysober lifestyle might not be as drastic as the premise of My Year of Rest and Relaxation, where the protagonist sleeps for a year to erase trauma and restart life, but it could still bring emotional clarity and inner peace to your relationships. Whether you commit to a year of self-discovery or just a few months, maybe being boysober is the answer.

Ditch your dating apps! That’s right. Delete Bumble, Hinge, and Tinder from your phone ASAP. I have recently, and I already feel less pressure on myself. Dating apps might seem like a quick fix to meet someone, especially if you're a bit shy or busy. But let's face it: they can turn into a real addiction. Plus, they make us all feel like we have to be these perfect, idealized versions of ourselves. But guess what? That's not real life. So, step away from the screen. Take a breather. Focus on making yourself happy first, rather than trying to impress others. Trust me, it's worth it. Instead, treat yourself to a little self-care date, if you know what I mean. Movies and maybe a little masturbation! This is the perfect way to promote self-love and personal growth.

Seriously, stop texting your ex. Texting them can feel like scratching an itch you just can't ignore. It's tough because they know you inside and out, right? But, let's really think about it. Is reconnecting with your ex truly worth it? What once fit perfectly may now feel constraining. Moving forward without revisiting past relationships can be challenging, but it allows for the opportunity to discover aspects of ourselves we may have overlooked before. And don’t try to be sneaky and settle with situationships. I know it might seem like the best case scenario to be unlabeled and have that go-with-the-flow mentality as you try to figure out your own stuff, but you’ll be questioning yourself and your partner's intentions more than ever. By avoiding boundaries, you're setting yourself up to be confused, misunderstood, and ultimately hurt. Embrace this opportunity to shower yourself with the love and attention you truly deserve.

Lastly, it's time to bid farewell to those warm hugs and sweet kisses because we're hitting pause on all the physical stuff. Leave the sex behind and keep things platonic for the time being. I get it, you might be craving some physical closeness (seriously, I feel you), but hold off for someone who truly values you. This isn't about swearing off intimacy forever, but about saving it for the right moment with someone who really sees your worth. I promise it'll be worth the wait.

For 365 days, experience the benefits of being sober from partners and their drama. Instead, redirect your time and energy towards personal self-love to free yourself from the constant stress and worry of modern relationships. Trust me, it's a choice you won't regret.

Lily BrownApril 26, 2024