I Wish I Were Dating in a 90s Rom-Com

It’s the classic tale of girl meets boy, girl dates boy, and girl falls in love with boy. It’s the “I’m also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.” It’s the “if you love someone, you say it, you say it right then, out loud. Otherwise, the moment just . . . passes you by.” It’s the “but mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all” that has young girls swooning over ‘90s rom-coms and daydreaming about when they will meet their prince charming.

One of the first ‘90s rom-coms that I recall ever watching was When Harry Met Sally. I found myself engaged in the story. After all, it followed the “enemies to friends to lovers” trope. That movie influenced me to watch every Meg Ryan movie I could get my hands on while discovering actresses Julia Roberts, Sanaa Lathan, and Nia Long. I was one of the hopeless romantics obsessing over these movies. Because of Love Jones, Brown Sugar, and The Best Man, I believe in the “meet-cutes” tropes, and cheesy pickup lines that have me giggling, smiling, and kicking my feet up in the air whenever I watch them, and wishing that the couple I was rooting for lived happily ever after.

However, in the 21st century, dating has been plagued by downloading apps and swiping left or right based on a person’s photo or a couple of sentences that summarize who they are. The meet-cutes, the butterflies, and that spark when you first meet someone is slowly starting to die out. Not only do I have high expectations from these ‘90s rom-coms, but it didn’t help that my parents’ love story seems like it was a ‘90s rom-com. The West Indian woman who immigrated to America for a better life only to meet an American man who wrote his number on the back of her train ticket while selling it to her. The rest was history. How could my expectations not be high?

Before college, I met boys the old-fashioned way: We would flirt back and forth, and butterflies would fly rapidly around my stomach until we eventually admitted that we liked each other and started talking. When I got to college, I realized that meeting people was a lot harder, and I would have to put effort into talking to a boy I found attractive and wanted to get to know him better. I eventually decided to give dating apps a try; not only because everyone in college did it, or because it is part of the college experience, but because my sister met her significant other on a dating app. They’re soulmates and have been dating for almost six years. This gave me hope for meeting my future boyfriend on a dating app but still felt very unlikely. With these thoughts, I was honestly curious to see what all the hype was about.

However, after my first-year college experiences with dating apps, I can assure you that they aren’t for me. It felt wrong to swipe left or right on someone when I didn’t even know who they were. I missed meeting a boy the old-fashioned way: Having a crush that made me sick to my stomach, but excited for the endless possibilities that could come out of it. I know my experience with dating apps isn’t the same as others, and that many couples meet, date, and fall in love on dating apps. However, being raised on ‘90s rom-coms and seeing my parents, sister, family, and friends fall in love spontaneously, like something out of a movie, influenced my high expectations concerning my love life. I didn’t want to be reduced to a meaningless conversation when I knew that the boy I was starting to fall for was probably texting ten other girls.

I want the love that I grew up watching on television screens. I want a meet-cute, an enemies-to-lovers tale, the childhood friends-to-lovers story, or the childhood friends-to-enemies-to-lovers narrative. I want to have that serendipitous moment. I want a boy to do anything to find me again, even if it meant buying every copy of the same book if meant he could see my signature one last time, or doing anything for me to get a stamp on my passport and liking me just the way I am.

Your MagazineMarch 9, 2023