photograph: PINTEREST

I’m not usually the most patient person; whether that’s due to laziness or boredom, I couldn't tell you– but it’s a fact. The only time I have true patience is when it’s concerning someone or something I care about.

I’m sure like most people who grew up with rom-coms, romance novels (which transitioned to smut, naturally), and constant couple posts on social media that I’ve been wanting the one forever. When I was younger love was always on my mind, and finding the perfect partner seemed like it could solve every problem and would guarantee me a life of happiness.

However, after I saw my parents' marriage deteriorate, this fear was instilled in me to be more particular with whom I date. A long relationship or a long engagement is ideal for me because I only want to get married once. I want to make sure that when the time for marriage comes I’m 100% sure that this is my person; I want to know and love them inside and out, and vice versa.

Before I’m a romantic, I’m a skeptic.

I don’t usually let myself like someone “for real” because I might get hurt and they tend to nearly take up my whole brain. Due to those fun consequences, I’ve become quite good at emotionally detaching and separating from people and, especially, sex. It can be a little confusing to others at times because I’m a very open book, so people think that they know me, but truly the “deep stuff” I talk about with casual partners is the info I would tell most people (not you family please never read my anything). The thing is, I’ve never factored in sex not being part of the equation.

I met someone this past summer and he consumes my thoughts daily now. While I wish I could give you a whole play-by-play because I like talking about him, I will give you the gist of why I feel the way I feel about him.

We met on a dating app and almost instantly we were sending paragraphs about similar experiences visiting Amsterdam before he gave me his number. We talked and flirted for a while before I made a move to ask if he wanted company while he was watching his parent's house. I would learn later that he had never wanted to meet someone in person from a dating app– that is, before me.

I came over a day later and while there was an initial attraction, I didn't feel much of a connection until we went up into his room. We had done a lot of foreplay and head was given on both sides, but whether it was nerves, medication, or whatever the reason, we weren’t able to have sex.

Like I said, I’m not the most patient person– especially with people who I deem as one-night stands or casual fucks. Usually, if they can’t satisfy me the way I want, I’m out of there and won’t be seen or heard from again. I didn’t feel or do that at all with him. We spent the rest of the night talking, getting to know each other, laughing, flirting, kissing, and I ended up staying over until the next night.

I went back to my house for a day before going back for another 24 hours with him. I was playing house with this man and cooking in the kitchen with him by my side while I showed him how I make my eggs.

I have never in my life seen myself as domestic, but I felt like that with him.

We went on a couple more dates during the summer where we would go out to dinner then go to the beach late at night with a blanket and just talk, kiss, and maybe some other things for hours, but still no sex. Don’t get me wrong, I still want to fuck him more than anything, but he became a lot more than sex to me.

I learned that we both don’t want kids, we both want to leave our home state Florida, we have the same political views and morals, we both would love to live outside of the U.S. (especially in Europe), we have almost the same kinks (he’s open to some of mine that he hasn’t tried yet), and we both think that partners need to have their own lives outside of the relationship.

We’ve talked about our past relationships, the relationships of our friends, and our “do’s and don't’s,” and it was so strange how similar we were when discussing the important things. It started freaking us out so much that we had to find trivial stuff to disagree on so we knew we had differences.

I absolutely adore getting to know more about him and just being around him. I compare every guy to him now and so far no one holds a candle to the way he kisses and how we act together. When he drives, he keeps one hand on my thigh for–pretty much–the whole time even though he has a stick shift. When he drops me off at my house we kiss goodbye and he’ll ask for one more which means five more. He makes me feel so comfortable and beautiful; I let myself be all touchy-feely with him.

The only qualm I have with our dynamic is he just graduated from college and is still back in Florida getting his grown-up life together while I spend most of my time in Massachusetts still in school. I don’t think starting off long distance would set us up for success at all; however, I see real potential with this man to be happy together long-term. I don’t want to rush something just to end up ruining it.

While I certainly won't put my life on hold for him I could see us together someday and if we get a real chance to be together I don’t have to think about the “what ifs” between him and me.

For him, I would gladly play the long game.

Sometimes Always love,

Brooke

The Long Game

photograph: PINTEREST