Personality Tests Are Testing My Patience

by Isabella Castelo

Meyers-Briggs, Cattell, Buzzfeed, Cosmo. I’m sure these names are familiar to most of you; if not, be aware they know all your secrets.

Who doesn’t love a good personality test? Who wouldn’t want to put their entire identity into a 20-question, multiple-choice quiz? I know I do. I recently re-took the Myers-Briggs personality assessment and let’s just say, I wasn’t shocked at any of the results. The image they painted of me was so clear it was as if I was looking into a mirror… if I was made of weird, geometric shapes. I’ve taken many of these tests over the years and I’m always impressed at how well these creators, some real scientists and some random interns at the magazines specifically found in doctors' offices, understand my every thought and desire.

I’m most impressed with their ability to understand my love life. They consistently, no matter how harsh, pin the tail on the horse. This week, I thought it would be fun to share my unnecessarily detailed love destiny.

The first thing “they” told me is that I believe in the power and beauty of true love—awwwwww. When I read this sentence I thought it was cute that I have such positive and optimistic views in regard to love… then, I read the following sentence. Basically, it says that I will NEVER settle for anything less than true love making it very hard for me to find fulfilling relationships. They call me a “hopeless romantic,” and I swear they make hopeless bolder than the rest. This is where I want to say, “Yeah right, fat chance, my life is full of fulfilling romantic relationships!” However, we all know that isn’t true because either I wouldn’t be writing this or I’m an amazing liar.

Myers-Briggs: 1, Isabella: 0.

They continue by saying, and I quote, that people like me have spent YEARS daydreaming about the perfect relationship. I don’t know how they found out what I do to try to fall asleep, but I feel violated, to say the least. I understand that this confession kind of goes against my whole “power in singleness” spiel, but above appreciating my loneliness, I think that everything is fine in moderation.

Myers-Briggs: 2, Isabella: 0.

Finally, we get to the good stuff…when I find love. I haven’t reached this point yet because Briggs tells me it’ll come when I realize I won’t just absorb a romantic partner. Currently, I feel that eventually, someone will just show up, and then we’ll date. I don’t plan on putting any special flirting skills out in the open (they don’t exist), and I’m not the type to go out of my way to converse with anyone new… I think that having a partner is like the common cold, I’ll just catch it by accident and move on with my life. However, when I move past this and start to put effort into my romantic relationships, I will go ALL in and reveal just how much fiery passion burns deep inside. MWAH HA HA HA (menacing). I will give everything I have to help my partner achieve all their greatest dreams and desires, in turn, leaving my own on the back burner.

I think this is the most devastating piece of information I received in my free personality package. This was a deep cut. How am I supposed to look forward to the day I finally get my love story, just so I can abandon everything I’ve worked for to build up this person I’ve never met? This part made me want to read other people’s life sentences because this really put the “hopeless” in “hopeless romantic” for me.

Myers-Briggs: 3, Isabella: 0
Well, these final scores are not promising. I honestly don’t know what to do with this information, even though I already subconsciously knew it all before. For now, I’m going to bask in this pre-love period, because according to this report it really just goes down from here. Maybe I’ll use this to my advantage and give everything I have to myself, and build my own way to the top of my greatest dreams and desires. Then, I would at least score one point.

Love,

Isabella

Photograph: Pinterest

Personality Tests Are Testing My Patience