People always say they want someone to be obsessed with them: to spend every waking hour thinking about them, devoting every action of every day to their love of you. I’d be lying if I said a part of me didn’t want that either… probably because I’m someone who would so easily be the obsessive partner. The other part of me sees the pitfalls of this kind of relationship.

From my observations, couples that are “obsessed” with each other come in two forms: either, it’s the couple who seem to have a balanced level of infatuation, where no one is more obsessed than the other, or you have the more imbalanced couple…with one person being obsessed, and the other being borderline indifferent. From my personal experience of witnessing both forms, I would like to preface this post by saying that they are both equally annoying, just in different ways.

The first couple is probably really in your face. They’re the kind of people who are so deep in their own world—each revolving around the other person—that they no longer have the capacity to think of the feelings of anyone else on the entire planet. They might not come off this way immediately, but trust me—it’s probably true. Every event needs to be corrupted by their love, nothing the other person does can ever be wrong (no matter what), and the most peevish for me is they will ALWAYS let you know what you’re missing out on by not having “what they have.”

*Sidebar: Coming from a lesbian, they are also probably lesbians…it’s a blessing and a curse.

The next, more depressing of the pair, is probably only difficult if you’re closer with the obsessor than with the “obsession.” Being friends with an obsessor comes with a lot of conversations, either trying to reassure them and their relationship or being totally honest and telling them the other person is not on the same page as them at all (maybe even a totally different book if you’re feeling really bold). You’re almost made to feel bad for them because of how much they put into someone who is giving them NOTHING, but then instead of feeling bad you just feel kinda embarrassed (oops).

Both scenarios equally turn me off of relationships. Does being in love with someone doom you to a life belonging to someone else? I want to think no…in favor of being the optimist I am (in case you can’t tell, this is 100% sarcastic). When I’m in a relationship, I want to be my own person, supplemented by someone else. I don’t want to get sucked up into a world where the thought of someone else overpowers those who make me who I am.

Obviously, I’m not saying that when I am finally with someone I won’t care about them and love them, I just don’t want to allow the love I have for them to take up the entire volume of my brain. After all this time alone, I think I’ve earned my real estate up there more than anyone else has. To some, that may sound selfish, but to me, that just sounds like self-respect.

Love,

Isabella

Photograph: Pinterest

No... I'm Obsessed