Picture this: you’re walking outside with your guard down, enjoying the day, and boom, your biggest phobia pops up right in front of you. Oh my God, you can’t possibly take this! So what do you do? You run! Yeah, that’s exactly how icks make you feel. There’s no working your way around it or mustering up the courage to confront it. It’s-just-absolutely-not! The rise of “icks” has no other than social media to thank for the resurgence of debate. The invention of “icks” has gone far beyond preferences—creating unrealistic expectations for people’s partners or the crushes they are trying to attain. Or has it? Are people finally admitting all the things they try to overlook due to social media? Young adults are constantly critiqued for being lazy, or unable to handle difficult situations, but maybe we’ve just given a name to a timeless feeling.

“Icks” are the moment you suddenly stop being attracted to someone, though this trend is primarily used by individuals attracted to men. Although icks are often compared to red flags or pet peeves, it simply runs deeper than that. Unlike red flags which can be ignored, romanticized, or seen as dangerous, or pet peeves which apply to any and everyone—icks are in their own lane. Icks are unique to each individual and they can’t be overlooked. I certainly have a list of things that send me running. My (lengthy) list includes, but is not limited to: unkempt toes in flip-flops, terrible grammar, and a lack of respect for customer service workers. The real question is not if “icks” truly exist, but what has them so widely talked about? How do they impact our relations with long-term or sexual partners?

Disclosing personal icks to the public seems to be a common trend and originates from TikTok as most do these days. Back in 2021, TikTok users began listing off their icks. Everything from saying the word bubbles to failing to do a cartwheel. How’d TikTok get a hold of icks though? On Season 3 of Love Island, contestant Olivia Attwood first used the word. She explained this phenomenon in an interview by saying, “It’s caught you, and it’s taken over your body. It's just ick. I can’t shake it off.” And well, the rest is history.

So, how should we approach icks? Whether someone tells us we’ve given them the ick or when we’ve got to deliver the bad news ourselves, think of it like this: regardless of what year it is, there’s always been basic rules of attraction. Oftentimes, these guidelines are overlooked but remain true. Being with someone solely because they are a good person and not because there’s also an attraction won’t get you far. Attraction is equally important as a connection. It’s not only a disservice to that individual, but also to ourselves. Icks are normal and it’s unhealthy to try to deny a gut feeling. Dare I say, it plays into settling in a relationship? I’ve given someone a chance not because I wanted to but because I felt obligated to. Whether that is a reflection of my standards for partners or lack thereof—trying to force myself over an ick is settling! I think it stems from the high standards I’ve set for myself, societal expectations, and familial expectations. As a result, it directly plays into the standards I have placed on others. I wonder why a guy doesn’t check himself in the mirror frequently enough to notice the gnarly booger hanging out his nose. Are these constant critiques of myself and what I do to be hyper-aware become criticisms I reflect on men I pursue? That’s the phenomenon of the ick.

We know where the term was birthed, but not why we get the icks we do. It could be aesthetic-driven—based on past trauma and experiences or things we were taught are distasteful, dirty, or gross. Maybe it’s an amalgamation of them all. I believe my icks are inherent. The icks I possess are often a reflection of my partner’s character and what they prioritize in their life versus my own. Is it their personal gain? Hygiene? Popularity? When I get a glimpse of their true colors, I gain a distaste for who and what I thought they were. Honestly, who and what I wanted them to be and what they were in actuality. The rose lens fades quickly and the reality hits that maybe I didn’t want this individual at all or maybe the ick has become the tipping point. I’ve had to shift my perspective on icks. As someone who has told myself time and time again that I’m too picky or looking for something that doesn’t exist, I realized I can’t help it when I get an ick.

Ick!