Bursting Your Parasocial Bubble

Art by Isabella Chiu

“It’s the worst type of betrayal to me,” Twitter user @cowboylikemila wrote after admitting to throwing her father’s heart medication in the trash. All over his distaste for Taylor Swift. Literally risking her father’s life over Taylor Swift. She doesn’t even know Swift personally. She doesn’t know really anything about her at all, she just thinks she does. 

It was nearing the end of summer when Taylor Swift attended Jack Antonoff and Margaret Qualley’s wedding in New Jersey. And with her came thousands of others. They lined the street at the restaurant Swift ate at the day before the wedding, they were barricaded by police outside the ceremony and reception—spending hours waiting just to catch a glimpse of Swift. For what? To see what she looked like? Hasn’t the paparazzi captured enough images of her throughout her entire lifetime? Literally, since she was, what, sixteen-years-old cameras have followed her everywhere? 

It was around the new year when Phoebe Bridgers was spotted at LAX alongside Bo Burnham when fans were frenzied over Paul Mescal’s, Bridgers’ ex, whereabouts. About Burnham’s purpose. Harassing and bullying her with these questions. Fans later found out Bridgers was on her way to her father’s funeral. 

The term parasocial interaction was introduced in the 1950s by Donald Horton and R. Richard Wohl. It was based on people’s seemingly intimate relationships with actors on television, and the definition and the scope of it have changed immensely over time. 

All artists subject themselves to the public light once they are famous, it’s part of the unwritten rules that come with the spotlight. Some may argue, they subject themselves to this form of abuse by just existing, but online fan culture has brought parasocial relationships to an entirely new level. A level filled with a lot of entitlement. 

What makes us think artists owe us anything? What makes us think we know artists personally? Why do people act in such heinous ways online and in real life just for a glimpse of another human being? 

Now, I’m by no means an innocent fan either. I saw boygenius three times in the span of a week. Stating this for the sake of honest journalism, this is not my proudest moment. But, (not just in my defense) seeing an artist or performer in the medium in which they choose to express themself, is not at all the same as stalking performers on the street because you saw they were in your town. Yes, I am speaking directly to the people stalking boygenius on Newbury Street when they were here in September. Your photos of them on every block are frightening. I am scared of you. Your behavior is gross.

When fans live under the assumption that being a fan of someone’s work makes you believe you know someone on a deeper level, they enter a dangerous territory. Stans, an internet term that refers to ultra-fans, sometimes indulge in this unhealthy behavior: they find themselves defending individuals they’ve never met without a stage separating them. Sometimes to a fault. 

Here’s the thing: you don’t have to defend your favorite artists with your entire being. You don’t have to. They owe you nothing and you owe them nothing. Appreciating art and indulging in it, doesn’t mean you know someone. You aren’t their friend. You never will be. You also don’t need to be involved in their life outside of what their work is. Be a fan of boygenius’ work, support their music, see them live, and buy their merchandise. You don’t need to know their every move, you don’t need to be involved in their relationships, and you certainly don’t need to hypothesize about their lives publicly. 

boygenius said it best in their song “Bite The Hand”, “Here’s the best part distilled for you / But you want what I can’t give to you.” Artists don’t present their real self to the public, they show the best parts of themselves, and for good reason. There is no way for you to really know them. They will always have a form of separation between the public and themself, otherwise they cannot be idealized, they can’t reach fame without it. 

Now, there is a better way to be a fan and to stop yourself from falling into the parasocial traps, and the answer lies in your engagement practices. Listen to music, go watch movies, visit museums—support artists and their art. And leave your relationship at that. Enjoy art for the sake of it existing, nothing more, nothing less.