“Cum for me, baby” is literally the last thing someone on SSRIs wants to hear while having sex. Yes, dirty talk is hot and makes sex all the better, but let’s skip this one? I don’t need the added pressure. I know I’ve been saying “just a little longer! I am on the edge!” for the past hour now, but I simply don’t know if I am going to come. I guess some nights, you just have to fake it. 

I know I am not the only girl on antidepressants who felt a little left out during the WAP trend last year. While on selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs, commonly used to treat depression), I had zero sex drive. I couldn’t get wet. I couldn’t orgasm. I seriously thought something was wrong with me. 

It’s safe to say, Prozac is the ultimate cockblocker. 

“Whenever I was with a guy, I was like okay, this is for his pleasure, I don’t care about my own,” says Taylor Elisius, 22, who was on 10 milligrams of Lexapro for three years. 

Elisius isn’t alone, according to the national institute of health, 73% of SSRI-treated clients reported unfortunate sexual side effects, such as making it difficult to become aroused, sustain arousal, and reach orgasm. Some people aren’t able to have an orgasm at all. 

Doctors haven’t figured out why antidepressants cause sexual dysfunction, but studies have been done that show Paxil, Lexapro, and Prozac tend to be the greatest buzzkill of them all. 

“I used to be on Zoloft and I never had a problem reaching orgasm until I switched over to Lexapro,” says Julia Flaherty, who has been on SSRIs since she has been sexually active. “It would feel like you were teetering on the edge for a long time, like your body is edging but not in a fun way.”

For those like me who love sex or are in a sexually active relationship, SSRI-induced sexual dysfunction can seriously negatively impact your love life. It has also caused sexual stress between my past partners and I. For Kathryn Smith, her and her girlfriend both take the same medication and frequently struggled to reach orgasm until they added bupropion, a sexual stimulant used to boost libido, to their regime. 

“It definitely was causing problems. My girlfriend and I would literally have sex for like two hours trying to finish and it just would not work,” Smith says. 

Similarly, Thomas Akiona says it got to the point he never wanted to have sex with his girlfriend at the time. He says he already knew it wasn’t going to feel that great, or as great as it used to. While his ex would orgasm multiple times per f*ck, he says he felt like he had just dipped his dick in numbing cream. He says he felt nothing. Absolutely nothing.

“She would always ask, why is this taking you so long?” Akiona says. “It’s my antidepressants, you can thank them for the two hour f*ck”

Before COVID-19, instead of talking dirty in the bedroom, Akiona’s go-to line was “it’s not you, it’s me.” He says he wanted to limit feelings of insecurity on the girls end as much as possible. 

“I am never not paranoid before having sex,” Akiona says. 

Why is this not working the way people say it says it does? was a question Smith constantly wondered. But going through the experience with a supportive partner who also faces the same struggle made it easier, she says. 

If you take SSRIs and are experiencing negative sexual symptoms, talk openly with your partners, doctors, and mental health providers. I know it can feel embarrassing, but it’s important to not let anyone make you feel guilty for struggling. 

“When my psychiatrist would ask me how I am doing, I’d say I feel fine, the medication is working, but there’s just one little very annoying thing: it’s extremely difficult for me to orgasm, and when I do, it’s painful,” Akiona says. “He would always say, is it really that big of a deal to not have orgasms? I am a college student, so yes.”

Lexapro seemed to be a worthwhile antidepressant for Elisius, but the sexual side effect started to drag her down over time. She says a lot of her anxiety and depression was a result of being in college. Now graduated from University of Michigan, she says she felt ready to get off of the medication. She has now been off of it for eight months. 

“Getting off of Lexapro has been game changing. I feel like a whole different person. The first month of being off of it, I was literally able to cum in like three minutes. It was the craziest thing ever,” Elisius says.

It’s relieving to know you’re not alone. Reaching the Big O on SSRIs isn’t easy, and even impossible for some. Be patient with yourself, have fun, and enjoy the ride.