We live in an outdated patriarchy where men have unnecessary power over everyone else. A woman will often take a man’s last name when married, children are expected to take on their father’s last name when they’re born, and men get paid more for doing the same amount of work as the rest of us do. These aspects of our society never meant that much to me until I realized that I have absolutely no direct relationship to the patriarchy that we live in. I’m not a man, and I’m not going to marry one.

There is a certain level of prejudice that we all face as lesbians, and being a woman is the foundation of that. My girlfriend, Valerye, and I have always acknowledged the setbacks that we have as a lesbian couple. We both know how it feels to run into people who aren’t accepting of our lifestyle; they make that well-known in any circumstance. I never had a huge coming out conversation with anyone, including my family. I started dating Valerye, hid it from my family out of insecurity, and a few months later, I told my family, and that was it. 

When Valerye and I hold hands in public, sometimes people stare, and other times they will yell things like “Fag,” or “Dyke,” and even tell us that we are disgusting. In high school, there was this boy in our class who always made it a point to yell slurs at us in school, at a local grocery store, and even at our favorite park that he lived next to. At first it was a burden, but as time went on, he never seemed to get over our relationship, and we realized it was about his own insecurity more than anything. 

This is a common experience for so many lesbians, but it wasn’t until I met other lesbians, both in relationships and not, that I realized our experience wasn’t something unheard of. All queer people experience prejudice, but there is something about women relationships that really upset people. I think a lot of the backlash lesbians receive is heavily based on misogyny. Our society cannot seem to grasp the idea of a woman never needing a man in their lives. In addition to the fear of existing in public as a woman, Isabella Mule ‘25 mentions how being open about her lesbian identity further puts her in danger. 

“I have a cute lesbian pin on my tote bag that I travel with,” she says. “When going out alone or to an area I don't know, I remove the pin in fear that the wrong person will see it and result in me being in danger.” In hopes of not being harassed for at least one of our characteristics, sacrificing our beloved sexuality to stay safe is an unfortunate reality. 

There are a lot of cultures with very historically homophobic beliefs. Being a lesbian of color has three layers of potential prejudice: gender, sexuality, and ethnicity. Coming from a very American Black and white family, my culture never made it hard for me to exist. However, I know that for lesbians of color with strong cultural backgrounds, it isn’t as easy for their family to accept them, let alone understand them. 

Olivia “Olive” de Guzman, Hunter College ‘25 says, “Many of the men in my Filipino family, especially the older generation, search for acceptance in this country through approval of the white man, and because my lesbianism—my queerness—is not inherently ‘American,’ my lifestyle is unacceptable.” Olive comes from a first-generation American family, so their sexuality is a lot to grasp for many of their family members because it’s not as accepted where they’re from. Valerye also comes from a first-generation American family, and she has a similar experience to Olive, so I know how challenging it is. 

I am proud of who I am and how far I’ve come with my identity. For so long, it scared me to tell people that I’m a lesbian and not that I’m gay. “Gay” has morphed into a word many queer people use to let people know their sexuality, and for some reason, it was just easier for me to say. The older that I get, the more solidified I am in my identity. So finally, for the first time in my life, I am comfortable with telling the world that I am a lesbian.