A big problem I’ve found shopping with my mother is not necessarily that we have different tastes, but we're from different generations. It’s odd. Sometimes 30 years seems like a lifetime ago in the world of fashion. My mother lived through ‘70s bell bottoms, ‘80s color-blocked track jackets, and ‘90s Dr. Martens. Old relics of them still hang in our storage closets, my sister and I picking from them when inspiration hits. None of those trends are new. In fact, they lack the cultural resonance they did in their time periods, creating a disconnect of time through fashion.

My mother never wears white after Labor Day. She always wears at least partial stockings, even with dress pants. Even though she dressed more casual when younger, she comes from a time when professionalism was the norm. With age, she has matured. Sure, this can be complicated when she helps me shop, and she has become more accepting of my love of “winter whites” and crop tops over the years. The real issue is when the mirror turns the other way around. 

No one wants to feel older. Youth is associated with fun, fitness and cool. As is the case with many parents, they want to stay youthful and relevant as time goes on, adapting to new trends and technologies the best they can. And yet, because they grew up before us, a list of preconceptions comes with them. 

Sure, in the past decade’s hemlines have been used as a way to shame women and their bodies, placing the blame of the male gaze on women. It disgraced any show of sexuality and asserted the message of “purity” on women, arresting their sexuality and giving its ownership to others. But this isn’t the reason why your mom doesn’t want to wear shorts.

As people get older, their body often looks unfamiliar to themselves, compared to their younger selves. That’s an issue that my mom definitely deals with, her hair, body, and life goals changing since she was younger. It’s a body-image issue, not a feminist one. That’s definitely more personal. So, in the meantime, help her feel her best. Try suggesting a flowing knee-length skirt with heels or wide-legged jeans and pants. They’ll help her stay on-trend while feeling comfortable. They’ll elongate her legs and make her feel more confident in her body.

After some convincing, those have actually become two of my mother’s favorite staples, reminiscing about how she used to wear them when she was younger. She actually bought a few pairs. And funnily enough, one of my favorite pairs that I wear all the time is from one of her favorite mom-stores, Dressbarn . 

My mother came from an era that began the fable of the “little black dress.” While the story has inspired numerous generations to believe that black is slimming and dressy, sometimes a closet needs some color. It’s easy for older generations to slip into black because it’s familiar. It was regarded as the solvent for all fashion questions. And while that still reigns true, colors have also been having a moment. 

Try out some colorful frocks. Color-blocking is back in style, but so are floral prints. My mother has always been skeptical about mixing patterns, but that’s a really good modern wardrobe addition. It’s those old fashion “rules” that are the hardest to break. We’ll be going through the same thing in 30 years with our own kids, confused at how crop tops and low-rise jeans are back in style. Only Brittney Spears could ever pull that off. 

There’s no need to trash a perfectly good closet. The problem is that to her they’re just clothes, things to look okay enough to go outside. But “okay” should not be the ideal. While jeans and a t-shirt are great, they’re not the end-all-be-all. And yet, the same outfit with a trendy patterned blazer (that she probably already owns deep in her closet) is totally chic. It’s just as comfortable and will probably add another boost to her confidence with how fresh and youthful she looks. 

Staying in the modern tones of sustainability, by teaching your mom a few fashion tricks and tips that people are using in everyday looks, she has the capacity to learn more and experiment. There’s no need to hold her hand. She knew how to style herself before you were born! And yet, as time goes on and kids jump around the house like madmen and jobs stretch on for years, sometimes we all need a refresher. Sometimes we all need a reminder to take care of ourselves and expand our confidence.