Ever since high school, the only thing I wanted to ask the successful women I met was how they became so successful. Each time I asked them for advice, they would practically pat my head and say, “Honey, you have to network.” 

It was almost funny how often I would get that response. Even now, adults are still pushing me to network. My academic advisor told me to write handwritten notes to every professional contact I make. Professors remind me that now is the best time to make connections in my field. Even the people I meet through networking tell me how important it is to master it. Master what, exactly? How to talk to people?

Essentially, yes. All it is, really, is talking to strangers and making yourself sound important and deserving of their email. More simply put, it’s making a friend. You don’t walk around with a resume on your chest, and most people don’t care how high your GPA is or how many times you’ve made the Dean’s List. If you can make someone think you’re worth talking to just by making compelling conversation or making them laugh while standing in line at Trader Joe’s, that makes a better impression than where you’ve interned or who you know. That’s something you can throw in later, like, “I totally know what you mean about the importance of recycling. When I interned at [impressive place], I did an entire project on recycling.” Then, right before the conversation ends and you go your separate ways, casually ask for their email or LinkedIn.

The key, in my experience, is timing. A week ago I was in an UberPool talking to my driver about how I was struggling to find a job. A minute later, we picked up a passenger who sat down and immediately pulled out his laptop. Continuing my conversation about work with the driver, I said something that made the new passenger chuckle. Taking this as a sign of interaction, I turned to him and asked about his job, and he told me he was a scientist taking classes at MIT. At the time, I was working on an article about women in STEM and needed a female professor to interview. I had a feeling if I could make even a slight connection with this guy, he might put me in contact with someone he knew. It was perfect. 

“This may sound really random, but do you know any female professors at MIT?” I explained the topic of my article and the challenge of getting an interview.

“Yeah, I definitely know a few you could talk to,” he replied. The car was turning onto my street. The window of opportunity was closing, but I only needed a minute. I asked for his Facebook--there’s a reason it’s called the social network--and gave him my phone. When he added himself, I sent him a quick message saying “female professor contact.” As we pulled up to my stop I thanked him, got out of the car, and thanked the Uber gods for sending me the exact connection I needed at the perfect time. All I had to do was start a conversation with the person sitting next to me.

Nearly everyone you meet will have something that will benefit you, whether it’s a job opening, a recommendation, or someone else they can connect you to. Paul Niwa, an associate journalism professor at Emerson College, says the best networking comes from “treating people like people.” Niwa says he’s not a great networker, but advises that even basic acts of kindness will help you stand out. “I think we were so much better at treating each other kindly when we all had to know our neighbors and get along with them,” says Niwa. “I think some of those old-school techniques of networking, like looking people in the eye and sending handwritten thank you cards, these kinds of old ways have become so special these days and people really appreciate it.”

The best way to master networking is to not be shy. Don’t be overbearing either, but if you’re having a good conversation with someone and there’s an opportunity to ask to keep in touch, go for it. That’s what business cards are for. Building a network of people benefits you and the people you meet because, in the end, we can all help each other branch out and find success. Don’t be shy, and remember practice makes perfect.