Over the summer, I found myself in a four month long-distance relationship. In the midst of our sexual frustration, we decided to foray into foreign territory: online sex. Unlike sexting, online sex is a purely visible and exposed act. Without the excitement of real sex, it can feel planned, unnatural, and even clinical. Online sex can seem intimidating and awkward—without the natural, organic flow of having the other person in the room, you have to create your own chemistry. However, after a little preparation, you can make it feel less synthetic and more like an adventure in itself. Remember that while this isn’t the same as real-life sex, it doesn’t mean it can’t be fun, too. Talk about it first: It can be easy to feel uneasy and insecure in front of a camera, even in the most comfortable relationships. Start talking to break the tension and create a comfortable atmosphere. By discussing what you’re comfortable with, you can get rid of pre-existing anxieties, making the experience more relaxing and enjoyable.

Set rules: Online sex, and sex in general, is a privilege granted by another person. Stripping on camera does not grant the person permission to take screenshots. Make sure you establish boundaries with your partner.

Insecurities: Without the guise of darkness or lust as a distraction, it can be easy to feel exposed and revealed in front of a camera. No one is as hyper-critical of our bodies as ourselves. Your partner wants to see you, so don’t overstress finding that flattering angle, instead, enjoy showing off your body. More so, don’t be scared of not knowing what to do. None of us go into online sex knowing what we’re doing, so go into it with an open mind, and be eager learn about it as you go along.

Communicate throughout: It’s easy to feel uncomfortable during online sex. Chances are, your partner is feeling the same way. The biggest struggle I encountered with online sex was the lack of comfort. The excitement of online sex was initially followed by a feeling of depression upon realizing that the intimacy of real sex wasn’t there. However, over time, I learned that not being there in person didn’t mean we couldn’t have intimacy. Afterwards, make sure to keep the conversation up to keep up the closeness. Have fun: Online sex is a healthy alternative and can be its own exciting milestone to experience in a relationship. Don’t see it as something you’re subjected to, but learn to relax and enjoy it!

Art by: Hayley Joseph