I really dislike vaginas. They’re complicated. They have a lot of attitude. And they’re a real pain to take care of. I especially dislike mine. It began morphing into this unknown creature after I started having sex and we’ve been at odds ever since. This is why I found it really strange that I prefer looking at them in porn. Penises are so straightforward. They don’t have any of that loose or tight business; they’re just there. They just are. Which is great when I have to deal with one, but a bit boring when I’m trying to get a rush from the cold hard 9” of my computer screen. Penises just kind of hang around until someone yanks on them or sucks on them (which gives me no pleasure since I know how tedious that task is) and then they spew some mess everywhere and boom, I’m supposed to be turned on.

Um, no.

Not to mention the woman in these scenarios (or women) rarely seems to be having a good time. She either looks bored, like she’s not getting paid enough to moan in a believable manner, or she’s terrified. Heterosexual porn is 99.99% about the man getting pleased, not the woman. Even when he goes down on her it’s like watching an oral wrestling match. Sometimes the labia minoras get tugged at so aggressively I nearly cry out in pain myself. It’s just a very sad state of affairs. Why would I find any pleasure in this?

It took me a very long time to try watching porn. After giving it a try, I found myself cringing more than anything. I was left disappointed and baffled as to why it’s such a major industry—and baffled by the women who say they enjoy it. It wasn’t until months later when I was reading a book (the title escapes me) with a lesbian sex scene that I thought maybe I’ll give porn another chance—this time without men involved.

Even in videos all about women receiving pleasure, it took me awhile to find one that wasn’t entirely focused on the male viewer. I want to see vaginas being pleased so mine can feel pleased! (Not some girl blowing a strap-on—nothing is going to come out, it’s plastic!)

Unspoken male presence often begins before the clothes even come off. Numerous video titles insinuate power play roles including cougars or (uncomfortably, almost incestuously) stepmoms, creating an air of subordination that porn lacks with the absence of a man bending a woman over. Then there are the storylines of women turning friendly support into lust, whether it’s homework help or emotional support after a break up (with a man, of course)—because us crazy women can never keep those pesky emotions in check. It’s rare to see two women just enjoying each other in the bedroom because they’re lesbians and what it’s what they like to do.

But when it happens, it’s pretty great.

You could attribute my me-time preferences to college-aged curiosity (although I graduate in the fall so you better come up with a better argument soon). You could attribute it to society molding me to objectify women. All I’m here to say is I’m a girl looking to get off by seeing girls enjoying themselves, not suffering at the end of an oversized, selfish penis.