photograph: Pinterest

Last week, I talked about not caring about other people’s opinions. Today, I wanted to go deeper into this topic because there’s more to it. If it was just flipping a switch and saying I don’t care anymore then a lot of my problems would’ve been solved much earlier on. Truth is, even though I don’t care as much as I did before, I still do care… to a certain degree.

However, It’s a matter of asking yourself whose opinion is more important: yours or theirs?

I’ve come to realize that when others' opinions influence you a lot it’s because you lack confidence in what you believe in. Think about it this way: think about something that you are passionate about and have a lot of experience or knowledge in. Then think If someone were to tell you “Oh I don’t like that” or “That’s boring and lame.” Would your opinion flip or would you understand but stick steadfast to your previous beliefs? If your opinion were to flip it’s because you don’t completely believe in it and other people’s opinions would help you decide whether to believe in it or not.

When someone disagrees with you, it’s usually because of a difference in values. That doesn’t mean that your values or their values are invalid. When you have a strong sense of belief in your values other people’s opinions become just that, an opinion. I used to get in my head a lot when someone would say they didn’t like something that I did or wore. Reflecting back on it now it was because I wasn’t secure in the decisions I made. 

I looked to other people to reassure me that I was making the right decision. I looked for others to tell me that I made the right choices because I didn’t know what I believed in. While that was a result of youth and ignorance, I have been able to figure out what I value and what I believe in. Figuring out what you value and believe in is important because it gives you confidence behind your actions.

Another thing that I wanted to bring up is that I needed to realize opinions hold some truth. Now, just because they hold some truth doesn’t mean that it’s all or nothing. It’s important to acknowledge both sides in order to move forward.

When I first started working on letting go of others' opinions, I would ask myself “Why did what they say press a button in me?” This question would get me to acknowledge what was true about their opinion and then get me to think about whether it matters or not. I would come to terms with what was true and then realize that the rest was just a reflection of their values. Becoming aware that their opinion is a reflection of their values makes it easier to make it less personal. And I know it’s hard to not make it personal (I have a problem with making everything personal) but you have to think about whether it’s productive or not. For me, nine times out of ten it’s not productive and it’s wasting my time and energy from things that I could productively be doing. 

One thing that I always tell people to do when they’re asking for advice is to ask themselves “Why?” When your mind is throwing you through all the what-ifs and “this or thats” act like that little kid who won’t take the answer you give them and always responds with “Why?” Then keep asking that until you can’t anymore. Doing this helped me pinpoint what I believed in which led to me feeling that way.

When people say that they don’t care about others’ opinions, that isn’t necessarily the truth. While they say they don’t care there’s a part of them that does care but they are able to ask themselves is it productive and does it matter?

Until next week,

Reese