On average, a date lasts anywhere from two to three hours. An exceptional one might last five. But have you ever heard of a 16 hour date? I never thought this could happen to me, and yet it did. Maybe it’s a queer thing! Is there an art to having a long date, or is spontaneity part of the thrill?

Let me set the scene: One Saturday in February, I went out with a super hot, sweet, and talented person who for the sake of their privacy we’ll call “N”. N and I arrived at the Institute of Contemporary Art, observed exhibits, chatted politely, and an hour later hugged goodbye. There was no kiss. No crazy flirting. No intense banter. How tantalizing! On a more serious note, according to The New York Post article titled “One thing to never do on a date - incase you need to escape,” an hour is on the shorter side for a date, even with a stranger, which had me second-guessing our experience together. I liked N and they’d agreed to a second date, but I couldn’t tell if they were into me or not. Well, a week later they came over to watch She’s All That, and that’s when things took a turn.

Immediately, the vibes were more relaxed: we kicked off our shoes, climbed in bed, and made fun of a classic ‘90s movie. It was just the setting N and I needed to connect on a deeper level. I felt comfortable despite my nerves. We were cuddling, joking around with each other, and being super weird. I mean, the kind of weird where we started squawking at each other like dinosaurs. The rizz is unmatched I guess, because you bet I got that first kiss. And another. And a lot more!

The hours with N ticked by and I didn’t even notice how late it was getting. We got food delivered from DoorDash. We talked about so much for what seemed like forever. It was wholesome and silly and really, really fun. We both skipped our academic commitments the next day and went out for breakfast. I know I’m not the first person to grab a bite with someone “the morning after,” but I could not have anticipated just how right everything would feel. They bent down on the ground to tie my shoes, held my hand without hesitation, and wrapped their arms around me while we waited at the bus stop. Even better, halfway through hanging out, I started to feel sick (#ihateperiods) and N took care of me like they’d known me for years. It was unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. 16 wonderful hours N and I spent together, and 16 hours quickly turned into 60. 

Yep! In one week I spent 60 hours with N, and not once did I grow tired of them. We did it all, culminating the week with a function; I met N’s friends and obsessed over their art and felt an insane amount of bliss. I stayed over, again. We were together nonstop, all the way up to their departure for spring break. We U-hauled. BADLY! But it was a perfect, magical six days with my crush, and it all started with that initial, crazy long second date. So…how the fuck did that happen? And how might it happen for you?

Well, I don’t think you can really manufacture a cosmic experience like a 16 hour date, but here are some tips to open yourself up to experience something similar: 

First off, always be super safe when meeting people online (and even people you’ve known for a long time). N and I started talking on Hinge, and dating apps are always hit or miss. We communicated for a week, exchanged socials, and got to know each other before our first date. If you ever grow uncomfortable during, set boundaries and have an excuse to leave the date. A lot of my friends have also had their friends tag along and observe the first date from afar.

Secondly, if you’ve already gone on one or two dates with a person and you can’t quite gauge the vibe, switch it up with a different setting. It’s such a cliché, but that Netflix bedroom combo is killer. It’s comfy and low-stakes, and private, which allowed N and I to open up around each other in ways we couldn’t in a revered art museum. 

Thirdly, be yourself. This is also such a cliché, but if you’re a stupid, goofy mf, be goofy! Don’t try to come off as “too cool.” N is really awesome, and really gorgeous. Anyone would be nervous around them, but my shy ass especially. I thought they would want someone more intimidating or nonchalant, but it was when I started being myself that we really bonded.

Most importantly, be willing to be spontaneous. At the end of the day, I can give all the advice I want, but the universe works in mysterious ways. If signs are being thrown at you to try something fun and different, go for it! You might just catch a case of the 16 hour date.