Have you heard about sugar babies? Sugar daddies? What about sugar mommies? Sugar dating has evolved into a common sociocultural phenomenon over the past decade, where couples gain mutual benefit in seeking meaningful connections. I know what you must be thinking: why are young people engaging in sugar dating? These relationships typically exist between young women and older men, but in some cases, they have also been established among young men and older women in recent years. However, they all desire to be part of one another’s “success” or “circle”—whether for economic gain, status cumulation, or even intimate mentorship. Some are just eager for conversation and physical touch. Although sugar dating has a multitude of complexities, young people continue to tell their friends that they need to find a sugar partner who will spoil them, care for them, and even love them to a certain degree. But the question remains: how has this dating area become so appealing?

Sugar dating is controversial and, at times, hard to defend. Many people, most notably older generations, find the premise to be dangerous, concerning, and unethical. They believe young people, especially women, should not put themselves at odds with older men who often have unknown intentions. But they do not understand how sugar arrangements function and what the main point of this nuanced type of dating entails. The sugar relationship is give and take. According to recent statistics from SeekingArrangement, about 3 million college students in the US are registered on the site, making up about 37 percent of total sugar baby users. Some young women even claim they would never return to what they call “conventional dating.” In their view, sugar daddies are willing to supply them with unlimited gifts, attention, and vacation opportunities that young women believe they cannot get anywhere else. Meanwhile, these older men are getting exactly what they want—affection from young women who give them the time of day. 

So how could anyone say no to sugar dating? It’s a sugar baby’s future. 

Not all sugar connections are short-term. Some are considerably long-term companionships and can last several years, depending on their growth as a unit. But young women keep their sugar daddy relationships on the D.L. because sugar rules and guidelines keep them from spilling the tea. Many sugar babies deal with high-profile men who own companies and have endless money. In other words, serious sugar dating requires written agreements, consistency, and discretion from both parties. These men do not want their names tarnished in any way because of the reputation sugar dating has acquired. A site called Let’s Talk Sugar states that having a sugar daddy can put unnecessary stress on young women, but as long as sugar babies are “flexible,” “kind,” and “honest about where [they] stand,” their sugar daddy will be happy. But is sugar dating worth it in the end?

Amanda Pasciucco from Life Coaching and Therapy states, “...it’s so easy to judge something or someone, yet what do we actually know about this lifestyle?” The standards of sugar dating have permeated our society as a problem to be solved. Older generations might argue that sugar babies have “daddy issues” or perhaps unresolved traumas that have led them to seek older men. They are searching for a partner out of their age range because their fathers have abandoned them in some way, so they need someone they can look up to for guidance. The issues with commonplace ageist and sexist theories are that the emphasis is often on how women are viewed in sugar relationships, not men. Sugar dating can be mutual, consensual, and serve as a valid space where young women can achieve happiness and stability without repercussions. Pasciucco ends by writing, “There is no right or wrong with being a sugar baby. The only question is whether you want to be one or not.” And many people are satisfied!

In the foreseeable future, sugar connections will maintain relevance in younger generations as a form of value exchange. This transactional relationship almost always involves money but can also embrace payment in other ways. Though “sugaring” varies in seriousness, many sugar babies are pleasantly surprised with the outcome of their relationships. After having described her sugar daddy experiences, an anonymous sugar baby notes that despite receiving presents such as designer handbags and watches, she has learned “...how two people who both are seeking and in need of two different things in life can form almost a symbiotic relationship.” She does not regret seeking arrangements with older men who showered her with gifts and provided helpful advice about how she could reach her goals and become more successful on her own terms. 

Unfortunately, sugar dating earns a poor reputation because of the negative stereotypes older generations have bestowed upon this specific dating arena. But ultimately, a person’s relationship is no one else’s business but their own.