A question that simmers in the pit of your stomach when someone you are falling for asks you. Your heart is throbbing, your breath quickens and suddenly you are left wondering if this might be the last time you talk to them. You want to tell the truth out of respect for them, but you are unsure if your lover might turn their back on you once they know. Of course, the query is expressed through curiosity, interest and perhaps the need for clarity in every relationship. But the societal pressures and stigmas around body count remain ever-present, creating an unmarked territory between you and the one you love. How much should I tell them about my past sexual experiences? Will they still view me with the same admiration as before? You find yourself thinking: why is it so difficult to admit to my body count?

Although the term “body count” has dual meanings; the phrase has been used among younger generations in college or postgraduate when talking about how many people they’ve slept with. Somehow, the question has become somewhat taboo, though many people seem obsessed with knowing that specific number. Women and feminine-presenting individuals are most often subjected to the harmful realities embedded in the question of body count because of how they may be perceived in their counterpart’s eyes. Body count, or the query, has transformed into a measure of sexual worth or value by others, attempting to address one’s level of promiscuity or prudery on a timetable. We are not goods. We are people. Our bodies and sexual encounters have become something to obtain or not obtain as we still continue to reclaim our feminine bodily autonomy over decades with little success.

Upon researching body count, some of Google’s most asked questions such as “what’s a high body count for girls?” and “how can you tell if a woman has had many partners?” underline our preoccupation with authority over the body as a commodity. Subsequently, men are rarely ever exposed to the sexual oppressions associated with the question of body count, and on the flip side, women rarely ever ask. If anything, men are praised by their friends behind closed doors for “scoring” a person they have wanted to sleep with for some time and are just as quick to ask a woman about who she has slept with. Why is there an invisible boundary to sexual freedom? This creates a sexist and hetero-normative double standard between groups, highlighting the strains of sexual inequalities that still prevail. According to Varsity, female writer Ceci Browning tells readers that men must “stop asking women for their body count” because “just like someone’s phone number, you are not entitled to ask for it.”

We have been likened to digits, as if there is an ideal number of bodies that make us matter. A fixation on sexual purity and impurity seems to exist in the social sphere of dating, where we are commended if we have been less intimate with others. You are viewed as wholesome, innocent, and high-regarded when you have fewer bodies. From someone else’s perspective, you are seen as wild, irresponsible, and promiscuous when you have more bodies. Research has revealed that men often prefer a woman with a lower body count for “relationship reasons.” Moreover, on the contrary, some men fixate on the idea that having a lower body count denotes inexperience and lack of sexual appeal. Though the previously mentioned sexual ideologies may have a correlation or bearing in the social arena of dating, body count preoccupation becomes a lose-lose situation for women and feminine-presenting individuals. According to GirlsAskGuys, an anonymous user states, “Yes, guys do care about a girl’s body count. Mainly because it says a lot about her view on sex and if she is compatible with being loyal and committed or not.” Evidently, too many individuals share an undeniable infatuation with body count and how the premise equates to someone’s worth, carrying the ominous issues of sexualization even further. If someone truly loves you, why should that be a factor?

Does love or romance play a part in discussions about body count? Some agree that knowing their partner’s body count is essential, not only to protect their health, but to understand the hidden parts of their sexual history as a couple. Others do not. Jonalyn Carpenter ‘23, who has been in a woman x woman relationship for a few months, disagrees with the statement that body count matters. She says, “I don’t think anybody cares about who you’ve slept with. It’s so much different in the gay community than in the straight community. Women are still viewed as objects. Back in the day, a woman’s sole purpose was to procreate, and you were viewed genuinely as less valued. I would never view my girlfriend in this way. It’s a weird stigma to uphold now, and I believe it’s definitely a product of our time.” The sexual shame and doubt intertwined with body count perpetuates unhealthy dating stereotypes, no matter what the dynamic of your relationships might be.

The number standards are just a game. Whether your body count is 100 or 1, whether you talk about it or choose not to, whether you crave the stability in knowing or not knowing–all of it does not matter. We are not something to be played with; we are all human. You cannot categorize someone’s worth based on the count. Sex is natural and necessary for survival for a majority of people. People deserve unconditional affection despite the societal pressures we have faced about sex for the past several years. An individual’s sexual history does not define who they are on the inside, nor is this standard or reflection of their ability to love someone they care about. This internalization of what someone’s body count is and what their answer says about them has to stop. Sexual freedom is healthy as long as we are all happy.