“Hi, I’m *******, looking for a girl I can make laugh. Hobbies include: stand-up comedy, improv, and being a generally funny and silly guy.”

Most people can’t help but want to laugh, which is why they tend to seek a humorous partner. However, there is a pattern behind what attracts and what doesn’t.

Many studies find that women are more likely to seek a partner who will make them laugh, while men tend to offer humor more than they request it. This concept is referred to as the “Humor Gap”, where humor is appreciated differently by different gender identities.

Particularly in the comedy world, it is said that men don't desire funny women—the unstated reason being that it threatens their sense of self. Men are typically thought of as more comical, since they are often encouraged to be boisterous and rowdy from a young age. On the contrary, women are encouraged to be quiet and restrained. Additionally, professional male comedians tend to have more fans than their female counterparts, enough that there’s a term for the women who sleep with them: “Chuckle F*ckers.”

Grace Twomey ‘23 claims: “it comes from an insecurity encouraged by toxic masculinity and the need to be the one in the relationship who’s smarter, since intelligence and power tend to be correlated with humor.” It stands to reason that for a woman to be a suitable partner, she should laugh more at her partner to boost his ego and reinforce his assumed power in the situation. Women, on the other hand, tend to make more self-deprecating jokes to cast themselves as less threatening.

In my own research via Instagram polls, 75% of people said they would rather have a partner make them laugh than vice versa. Yet, 65% of people also claimed that they were the funnier person in their relationship. This leads me to wonder how much humor really matters when choosing a partner. 

As a woman studying comedy, I don’t really care if my partner is funnier than me. While humor is a significant factor in picking a partner, it’s more important to me that we are able to laugh together. If there is a mutual understanding that we can both be funny without tearing the other down, then why would it matter who gets more laughs?

Regardless of gender, I’ve noticed a tendency for comedy majors at Emerson to claim they will never engage romantically with another comedian. However, I can also cite several instances of inter-major mingling, myself included. I see it as a win-win: either you find love, or a funny story to tell at your next show. Perhaps the appreciation of humor isn’t the driving force of these connections. 

So imagine sharing a gut-shaking, breathtaking laugh with someone you love. The lines are blurred of whose joke ended where, but you couldn’t care less. You are giddy in love and giggling with someone who makes you happy. I ask you, does it even really matter which of you was seeking funny?