catch a vibe

by brooke harrison

To say that I’m no stranger to vibrators would be a severe understatement. Like many people with pussies, clitoral stimulation is the main way that I get off, not only by myself but with partners, too. This is often because many of us cannot achieve an orgasm from penetration alone (but thank you to all who have given me one of these, quite an experience I have to say). Enter the heavenly (maybe even life changing) machine: the vibrator. 

A vibrator can provide an easy and quick way to get the sensations that you want, especially when the medieval finger flick and rub got too tiring on myself (I could feel the carpal tunnel forming) and the good ol’ shower head was way too intense for me. Those options made it feel more of a race to an orgasm then it did me pleasuring myself, and even then I wasn’t really sure if I was actually orgasming. 

Luckily, I discovered the beauty of vibrators in early adolescence. I think that’s part of why I have the confidence in myself to demand the pleasure that I deserve, because I know what orgasmic bliss can feel like. This is not to say that all orgasms are created equally. There are so many factors that go into the level of intensity, aftershocks, overstimulation (good and bad), mental state, etc, but vibrators offered me a kind of consistency I was missing when it came to self gratification. They offered a way for me to explore what sensations I liked the most, where I liked it, and it made me feel comfortable having this machine to somewhat guide me into knowing my body more.

It might sound sort of post-apocalyptic-cyber-space that a little (or big, to each their own babe) robot could provide so much for me but as an AFAB (Assigned Female at Birth) person, it was a while until I was clued into what masturbation for myself could even look or feel like. 

Discovering vibrators was like being let into the gates of heaven and I'd be damned if I didn’t show every other girl I knew the path to those gates. One of the core memories and key bonding experiences with one of my best friends was us going to pick out her first vibrator because she had never experienced an orgasm before. We went to Target and I was giving her recommendations based on the ones that I had tried and we were looking up reviews for others and it felt comparable to picking out your wands at Harry Potter World. There’s a toy made for everyone (except we don't have to limit ourselves to just one ;)). That experience might’ve been unique and some may think it was odd that I was helping my bestie choose something so intimate, but it just felt like it was another part of girlhood where we were helping one another and sharing the knowledge we had. 

Especially as I got older, my vibrator became a way for me to not only gain pleasure but to let go of stress and tension that I was holding in my body and mind; I know if melatonin doesn't send me to sleep, a favorite toy of mine will. I could even go as far as to say that vibrators are my go-to tools for self-care. I mean, think about it, what better way to love yourself than to make love to yourself?

Clearly, the comfortability I have with vibrators is high, but when I have approached the topic with partners, it has not always gone the way I would imagine. Many projected their insecurities that my wanting to add a toy meant that there was something missing from them, which even if there is, so what? There are times you need to grow up, get over yourself, and care about your partner's pleasure. Then there were times that we discussed and agreed to trying one together, but there was no follow through.

That was until a few weeks ago…

I was hooking up with a new guy recently and in his goody bag of what I thought was only lube and condoms was also a little bullet vibe there for me. I was a little nervous at first because I wanted to make sure that while I was using it on myself, I would still be able to focus somewhat on him, too. I was a little paranoid that using the vibrator with him would send me into my relaxed masturbatory headspace and I would tune him out, but I’m very happy to say that is not what happened. I quickly realized that this bullet had a very intense vibration (tis my experience of most bullets I’ve tried sadly) and that I had to find different angles to make sure it wasn't too concentrated on the most sensitive part of myself. I maneuvered the cute blue bullet to find a good spot and I got to experience something in sex that I always long for: successful experimentation. Though, I do think I need to try one of my personal favorite vibes with him next time to truly give you (and myself) an accurate portrayal of how good adding that type of toy can be. 

When engaging in sex with yourself or other people, I think we should all try to think outside of the box a little more to discover new sensations that we didn't know we could feel, try toys that look intriguing–maybe even a little daunting–and communicate desires and fantasies we may long for. 

For me, that new area of exploration is using vibrators with partners. What will yours be?