My V(oting)-card

by ella mordarski

WARNING: The following is not recommended for all audiences. Especially if you’re my mother, sister, or therapist. 

I need to divulge something.

This past October, I lost my V-Card. I know it's crazy, right? I have always thought of the act as the peak of adulthood. Something that's not meant to be discussed, and if it is, should be between two adults. However, now that my cherry has popped, I want to let the world know. 

“Ella, why are you telling your thousands of readers you had sex!” 

Oh my god, no! Did I give off that impression? If that were true, I’d be screaming the news from the top of the Prudential Center. I didn’t lose my virginity, silly… I voted! 

I will never forget the feeling of receiving the email that my ballot had arrived.“You have letter mail.” Ok, wow, talk dirty to me, why don't you! I practically tackled students to make a clear path to the mailroom. The only thing between me and pure passion was the student mail room attendant. I took that stunner right back up to my room and ripped its top off. Aaahh!

When I was in 9th grade, a few elections ago, I definitely rolled my eyes at having to take civics. What could I possibly need that for? It’s not rocket science. Turns out, civics was one of only high school courses that actually provided some useful life skills. I voted before I ever had to use the Pythagorean theorem or run a mile in under 10 minutes. While I hated it at the time and complained excessively when we had to memorize amendments, I look back at my time in civics with appreciation. Because, let me tell you, for my first time, I sure knew my way around that ballot. 

Alright, back to the dirty details. I sat at my desk, grabbed a pen, pulled out those papers, and got to work. Now I was raised by parents who taught me to never vote and tell. Apparently, it's not in good taste. So, I won't be naming any names. However, I honestly hope everyone would be able to assume my choice. A quick Google search or 5-minute conversation in the Lion's Den should tell you everything you need to know. 

I finished the ballot, flipped it over on its back, and licked the envelope. I took a few photos to remember the moment, and called my mom to tell her the news. Then popped that sexy little sucker back into a mailbox on Boylston Street. I felt sooooooo good afterwards. The rush of endorphins was like nothing I had ever experienced before. I can’t wait to do it all over again in four years! 

The weeks after the deed were stressful to say the least. I was concerned my ballot didn’t make it home safely, or I had done something wrong. I mean, it was my first time, I could have put something in the wrong place or forgot to seal it properly. I indulged myself in some retail therapy with the hope of getting my mind off of things. I ended up buying myself a new vibrator I definitely did not need. But who knows, republicans want to ban porn, sex toys may be next on the list. 

One day I will tell my kids to really think about their first time, because after the deed is done, your life will change whether you like it or not. No matter how much you google it, or tell people otherwise, you can’t take back who you voted for. As for my post-election blues… well, I’m focusing on losing my actual  V-Card next. Better start campaigning. It's gonna be a hard win.