photograph: Pinterest

Maybe it’s all the Gemini placements in my birth chart, but long conversations are always the most intimate and exciting part of getting to know someone. Even if it’s someone I’m seeing for one night only, the way we can talk to each other makes all the difference for me. 

A good conversation is like good foreplay: it gets you in the mood, has you itching to pull back the layers of whoever you're with, and leaves all parties satisfied. Good conversations also have to do with good chemistry, shared interests, and good banter: it’s the necessary trifecta to talk for hours and hours without even realizing it.

 You also have to actually want to hear what that person has to say. It isn't necessarily all about the sex. Constant long conversations without feeling drained or bored to death are always how I can tell I’m about to make a close friend or I’m developing a crush (sometimes both). I think that talking is the best way you can get to know a person, which isn’t a new idea by any means, but, I think those intimate conversations can be hard. They require you to be in the moment with someone, let your guard down, and take up space to tell someone all your stories, ideas, dreams, etc. You get to see someone’s humor, which is one of the big deal-breakers for me when it comes to a partner. 

What I think people often forget is that good conversation doesn’t automatically equal good communication. I’ve had amazing conversations with past partners but they couldn’t communicate their emotions or boundaries and some of them would talk over me or never check in on me. These are people who had the most interesting stories to tell or would explain to me certain intricate theories of the world they had been developing for years, but they couldn't communicate in an open or healthy way when it came down to it. 

For me, to really fall for someone, I need both. I’ve heard before that good communication is the building block of all healthy relationships and I have to say I agree. Especially as you get older having that effortless conversation or not having to communicate your every need in a relationship is so refreshing. I can't only have fun conversations with someone all the time. I need to feel safe enough to communicate my anxieties if we're going somewhere that will make them flare up, if I’m in the middle of a depressive state they need to know that it’s temporary and not personal to them, if they’re taking a long trip or thinking of moving I want them to tell me so I’m in the loop. I need that person to know all the little things about me and vice versa because we’ve built a relationship filled with honesty, safety, and companionship. 

One of the first signs of a long-lasting relationship is the way you handle a crisis or an argument and, in both cases, if you can’t communicate, you’re screwed. 

Everyone seems to want a “yapper” as a partner these days but we all need to consider what they’re yapping about and how they are yapping about it.

Sometimes Always love,

Brooke