Unfortunately, I have no new travel tales this week. I was locked in MY castle like Rapunzel and forced to study for my upcoming midterms. The actual idea of midterms isn’t the issue for me, it's that I have physical in-class exams rather than the classic Emerson week of essays with a presentation thrown in there. One of my traveling buddies (@averiesasking shoutout) goes around and…well…asks people questions. One of her favorites is asking Europeans which American stereotype is their favorite, and the usual winner is that we’re stupid. Lemme tell ya, this weekend is really making me believe it. 

Our foreign administration warned us about the different grading policies here and how we might be alarmed when our numbers start to roll in, I haven’t experienced any of that yet (I’m a certified genius), but I was really taken aback when I realized I have to write an essay by hand for the first time since my AP exams.  

It’s super interesting getting a taste of the European education system, even though it's totally skewed because all the teachers know we’d complain if they were too harsh, it makes me realize I need to get my shit together academically. I don’t understand how these European teens balance it all. They go out every weekend and live their life, maintain this rigorous schooling, and seem…happy. 

Me though, I was in the trenches this weekend. 

Last year in Boston,I couldn’t seem to catch up. Every day I woke up in the morning stressed about what I didn’t do the day before and went to bed thinking about everything on my list for the next day. Assignments piled up and I became somewhat of a hermit. Letting this happen really ruined my freshman year and going into year two I swore I would be different.

Although it’s pretty much impossible to be a hermit here, with such a small community in addition to the obligatory vacationing every weekend (eye roll), I still am quite the procrastinator. I don’t know how I’ve made it so far, doing so well, while finishing everything with the final buzzer. 

I, thankfully, blame the US school system. I think if I genuinely had to endure a European or Asian school system after my relaxing years in the US, I would not survive. Or at least not be the model student I seem to be on paper. I’ve always felt bad about my lack of pre-deadline motivation, but it was never that big of a deal because I always managed to get everything done relatively well. This weekend though, I’ve never been so disappointed in myself. Every time I gave myself a break or found myself unable to peel away from my phone instead of guilt I felt something akin to hatred. I felt that because I’m abroad I should leave my filthy habits behind and become this new, ideal version of myself. The funniest part of it all isn’t that it’s obviously not happening, but I really thought it would happen with no real effort from me. I thought I would absorb a new personality just by breathing the air—that I swear is crisper—here. 

I obviously now know that this is very much not the case and that I will need to put in some effort to actually get some personal growth out of this experience. I guess the two logical first missions should be to tackle my chronic procrastination and the extreme self-hatred that comes along with it. I’ll talk to you next week…where I’m maybe doing something crazy!!! Stay tuned.  

Love, 

Isabella

Photograph: Pinterest